Out Of My System

Feeling all Lovey...and it's gone.

Okay so there is this thing with me and liking boys. I like boys. But I'm not too sure if they like me, you know?

This is how my first crush went. I saw a guy, I thought I loved him, then I saw another guy and I again I thought I loved him. The only strange thing about this is that it all happened in a days time. Now that I think about it, I know for a fact that it was just my hormones messing with me and my emotions.

I hit puberty at a very young age and by very I mean VERY. I remember that I started feeling things for boys who were now that I think about it, were straight up disgusting, filthy boys.

I was in 5th grade when this happened. I along with this 10 year old boy were 'appointed' as the librarians. For me this was a huge freaking deal! I mean I was the librarian who got to wear that lame red badge that said 'librarian' and had the privilege to not go and attend the assembly. I was prestige. I was so prestige that everytime all my peasant friends would walk off to the library I would stare at them like I was their damn queen.

Anyways, back to boys. So this librarian 10 year old boy and myself had take sure all the books were ordered correctly and we're neatly piled up and stuff. Now I used to EVERYTHING! This kid did absolutely nothing. The only thing he did was break into a dance in the middle of our small library. He did Michael Jackson steps whilst I giggled all girly like (cause of course I did) and arranged all the books.

Everytime I would walk out of the library with him, I would have to CONVINCE myself that I didn't love him. I had to repeat 'I don't love him' several times in my head in a loop. What the hell was wrong with the 10 year old me?!

There was absolutely NO reason to like this guy! He was a filthy 10 year old chubby white kid who wasn't even nice to me! Oh hormones, the wonders you do.

Skip to when I was in year 7. This is secondary school for us Britons. I had just started going to this school where we had to wear a very smart looking black blazer and a tie. All my friends were liking guys, crushing on guys back and forth. Liking boys for stupid reasons...basically they were going through what I was going through when I was 10. They were just late bloomers I guess.

Now being a teenage girl, the only thing you didn't want was to get left out. And this is exactly what happened. My friends would go on about their crushes and how handsome they were and how 'nice' they are although they talked to them like once in their entire existence.

Now me, I was over the whole crushing thing. Mainly because I think I have liked more boys in my younger days than I should've in my lifetime.

But one day I had enough. I was lining up in a queue to get some lunch from the canteen with my friends. And I spotted a really good looking guy. He was one year older than me which made me realise that there was absolutely no chance with him. But who cared? Not me. Because the next thing you know I had declared that random good looking guy in year 8 who I didn't even know the name of my 'crush' to my friends. #truestory

Obviously that shallow excuse for a 'crush' didn't last long.

I am 17 now and I am happily content with my huge celebrity crushes. I don't have a love life, and I am fine. But I feel like I do have a real life crush...again.

There was this guy that was in my class. In year 8 I began to have feelings for him. And then he got taken! I know - sad. I was heartbroken , I cried day and nigh- who am I kidding, I ate some chocolate and moved on that very day that I got to know he was taken.

Anyways this guy is now single. And I have talked to him a few times in real life and through messages and stuff and I feel like, maybe I have a crush...again? Is that possible. I don't even know anymore and right now I am fine with my handsome celebrity man crushes. #sadlifethatIamweirdlycontentwith