Dose Of Reality

Chapter 7: Self-Harm

Warning: *Trigger Warning* If you cannot handle talking about this topic please do not read. Proceed with Caution.

You message your friend with guilt and hatred as you tell her that you cut again. She sees your message and she goes from happy to sad almost instantly. One message that is all it takes to change someone's entire day. She tells you that she is not mad and that she will not cry this time. Little do you know that after you fall asleep the tears pour from her eyes staining her pillow. She tried to tell herself that it will get better. Nothing she tells herself works because she knows it is just all one big lie. Not everyone allows their life to be better. After telling her that you did it again it haunts her. It is swirling around in her head not allowing her to stop thinking about it. Which at the end of the day is all she really wants. She does not want to think about it more than she has to. You have so much value and worth to your life that she cannot even explain it to you. It is not easy to try and convince you that there is a point because everybody's point is different. She's probably never going to get you to realize that no matter what she says to you. Which hurts just as much. You could have such a great life if you would just stop looking at the glass half empty. You would feel a lot better and you have no idea how many people want that for you. People can look at you and can tell that you are suffering. It has gotten so bad that people assume that you do it. People ask her because they know how close you two are. She lies and replies with "I do not know" or "No" because she is trying to save you. They know she is lying because they can see it in her eyes; the pain behind her lie. It may even be the way that her mood changes whenever somebody brings it up. The way her heart drops at the topic. The worst part is there is nothing she can do to help you. She knows this is a coping mechanism for you, but there are less harmful mechanisms that will be easier to those around you and to yourself. You may not see the pain that you are are putting your loved ones through but there are some things you need to know. You need to know how much they love you. You need to know that some people would do anything to see you make it through without a razor blade. The way that they would give up anything to see you happy for real. For you to have a smile that is not just a cover-up for your deep dark thoughts. You need to see that she would be so lost without you by her side and that she is so glad to have you. I know you think you are troubling her by always talking about your true feelings but she is not burdened by it at all. She is your best friend for a reason and she is going to show it the best possible way that she can. You are everything she could have asked for. She hates having to worry about if you will be okay when she wakes up in the morning. She constantly fears that one time you may just "accidentally" cut a little deeper. She does not know what to do because everything she says has no affect on you. As much as it hurts her she wants to know when you cut rather than be oblivious because she wants to help you and she cannot do that if she does not know. She cares way too much to let you go. Way too much to ever leave you. You doing that really takes every ounce of self-control that she has not to break down because she knows that she has to be strong for you. Just like you are trying to be a strong for her.

Note: This is not supposed to bashing people who do self-harm.

Inspiration: The inspiration for this chapter was my best friend and was my boyfriend at the time. We were facetiming and he asked me why I was upset..I started to tear up and told him that it haunts me. That I cannot get it out of my head no matter how hard I tried. Hearing how sad he sounded while replying broke my heart. 

Inspiration part 2: My boyfriend at the time was self harming and I wrote him part of this chapter and sent it to him after he asked me why he should not self-harm anymore. Awhile after this he worked up the courage to quit self-harm. 

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I'm sorry for such an emotional chapter. I hope you are enjoying the book so far, if you are follow, vote, and comment. Stay Beautiful. Stay Positive. All my love, -Kaitlynn

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If you want a chapter written or dedicated to you post on my page. From there I will message you personally and we can talk.