im a piece of shit so here's me venting about my white people problems

vent

my entire life is a lie. i'm not like other people think. i'm not as good of an artist as people think. i'm not as discriminated against as people think. i'm not in as bad of a situation as people think. i'm not as good of a musician as people think. i just want to stand out. i just want attention. i just want to be as accepting as possible. i just want to be as un-ignorant as possible. i just want to prove people wrong, that i'm not like them. that i'm different than them and that they don't understand me. i want to be as different as possible, yet i have an extreme fear of being judged. there's something wrong with me. i enjoy arguing with people. i enjoy fighting people just because i'm stronger than them. i enjoy showing off. i'm basically as problematic as it gets. i lie. i cheat. i've even stolen just so i can get by. i'm horrible. i've caused so many people to worry. i've caused so many people to get mad or upset because i called them out on something. i've caused other people to get in trouble. i don't deserve the friends i have, i don't deserve the things i have, the only thing i deserve is a bullet to the head. maybe i'd be better if i actually had medication. maybe i'd be better if people payed attention to me. maybe i'd be better if i were middle class. there's so many things i should be happy about, but i just choose to sulk about the little sad things. i deserve to die.