A Collection of Feelings

Heartbreak

Everyone always says I'm fearless and outgoing. Sometimes I feel pressured to be to that way. But other times it happens naturally. This is the story of one of the times:

My stomach was doing summersaults as I walked next to him. We were almost to his car I would have to act fast. I waited till the very last minute as he was unlocking his car and about to get in when I blurt it out. "I like you. I like you as more than a friend." Time seemed to stop, but I smile crept onto his face and he said he would text me about later.

When his named flashed up on my scream I freaked out. I started shaking. It took all of my courage to open the message. He said he was too busy and then in 2 weeks after taking the SAT we could try to hang out. He called me the funniest and smartest girl he knew. I guess I was never pretty to him.

3 WEEKS LATER

We hadn't talked much at all really since I told him, but for some stupid reason I was hopeful. I texted him a simple "Hey how was the SAT?" He responded the next night and we had a brief conversation before he drops a bomb. As I saw the message preview light up my screen I saw the "I just want..." I knew what was coming, but for some reason I believed that sentence wouldn't end in friends, but once again I was wrong. I had let him drag me along for 3 weeks just to get to this. It was devastating. Even though I knew what direction we had been heading in the last couple weeks, but I had wanted him to surprise me. He never did. Instead I got predictable, painful heartbreak.

I've been in a relationship before but in the serious ones I've always been the one who ended it. I'd never been on this side of heartbreak. And God does it suck. He made me feel so great, but now I just feel like an idiot. I threw myself out there and fell flat on my face.

Heartbreak is something that doesn't go away easy and I'm sure there will be a twinge of pain when I see him smile. I know I will cringe when I hear him laugh. I will not let him win though. I am so much more than him.

I don't know why people have to get their hearts broken, but I do know something good will come out of it. I'm not sure what yet and it's probably going to hurt for a significant amount of time, but hey at least I'm one heartbreak closer to happiness and my true love.

-Bridget Hughes
3/9/16