American Beauty, American Psycho

American Beauty

Hey guys, so I've recently gotten obsessed with Fall Out Boy and was dying to use their American Beauty/American Psycho song for a fanfiction, and the timing is perfect 'cause I just got obsessed with veggie burgers, too. Just wanna mention, in this fanfiction the 2ps will be existing in the same dimension as the 1ps. Hope you like it!
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Alfred's POV

Alfred Jones walked home after a very successful world meeting, in which they had discussed global warming, and Alfred had suggested that they take the global warming and relocate it to Mars. "Hey, is someone following me?" He asked aloud, feeling another presence next to him.

"Yes." A shy voice said. "That would be me, eh." Alfred's brother, Matthew, said irritably.

Alfred shrugged it off, then walked into his replica White House. Pausing, he quietly took his shoes off, tiptoed into the living room, and made his fingers into a gun shape.

"Mr. Jones–" a security guard started. Alfred shot him the "play along" look, and the guard sighed a little and pretended not to notice Alfred.

"Alfred's log," Alfred mumbled into his hand, so he sounded like he was talking into a walkie talkie. "I have infiltrated the White House. All I have to do now is make it to the President's office, retrieve the nuclear war plans, and I'll be the biggest hero in the world!" He somersaulted down the hallway to his bedroom, then kicked the doors open. "PEW PEW PEW!" He screamed at all the guards, waving his gun-fingers wildly, and they all pretended to collapse on the floor. He ran over to his ceiling-high bookshelf (which Matthew regretted installing for him, because Alfred ended up using it for medals, awards, and Lego buildings), climbed to the top of it, and grabbed a bunch of papers off the highest shelf. "GOT EM!" He yelled. "NUCLEAR WAR WILL CEASE TO EXIST!" He threw them into his unlit fireplace, and made the sizzling sounds himself.

"Al, what are you doing?" Matthew said tiredly, standing in his doorway."

"Being the hero, big bro." Alfred grinned.

"Heroes don't have muffin-tops when they wear skintight jeans."

Alfred blinked. "Well....well....go snort crushed pills. You've got free health care, so you can!"

"Al, you just insulted your own health care!" Matthew chuckled.

"Shut up!" Alfred grumbled, shuffling his way to the kitchen.