Things I Could Never Tell You

285

October 7, 10:08 am.

I still can't believe it. I'm in shock. I have been sitting in my room since yesterday.

It all started on the moment I got to the party. We got there and the place was full. The party wasn't happening in a house, but in a club. There were people dancing and Sophie gave me her cousin's fake ID for me to use and she used her one. I guess the dude was in a hurry, because he only checked mine once and let me in. The same thing happened to Sophie.

There were a lot of people. There were people dancing and the decoration was awesome. The music was really loud and there were barmen handing out beer to the people.

Throughout the first hour, we danced a little and Sophie made me try out some beer, but I spit it back in my cup. On the second hour, Sophie spotted you. You were sitting down on a seat and texting on your phone.

I didn't want to speak to you, but you caught gaze of me. A smile lit up on your face when you saw me. You walked towards me and whispered in my ear: "you're stunning".

I shyly thanked you and tried to walk away, but you told me to sit down with you. Since I'm the kind of person who doesn't know how to say no, I accepted your offer, even though the only thing I wanted to do was to was to get out of there.

Sophie saw you and texted me she was going to the dance floor since she didn't want to see you. When it was 1:00 am, I texted her that I was tired and wanted to go back home. She told me we were going to get a ride with Jordan Kodak, her friend or whatever and so I waited next to you.

Some minutes later, you told me a group of people were going to leave and go to the parking lot, including Jordan. So me and Sophie had to go with them since we were getting a ride with Jordan. I followed you to the parking lot where the group of people were gathered and playing some stupid 7th grade games.

Sophie joined them and I just sat down on the floor, away from them and between two cars. My plan was to stay there and wait for them to finish so I could go home and sleep. I thought you were there with them but some minutes later, you appeared in my front and asked me if you could sit with me. Not wanting to say yes, but not having the guts to say no, I nodded.

You sat beside me and we just stood in silence for a while.

You broke the silence whispering you were sorry. I frowned.

"I am so sorry," you whispered again. I thought you were going crazy.

"Sorry for what?" I asked.

"For not seeing how fucking amazing you were," you bit your lip. "It was the most stupid thing I have and I'll probably regret it for the rest of my life." You ran your hands through your hair.

I frowned once more.

"I never should have picked her," you mumbled.

I froze. I waited for that moment for two years, but when it finally came, I didn't feel the way I thought I would.

I didn't say anything. I just pursed my lips into a straight line.

"You loved her," I told you.

"Not even as close as I loved you," You said. I felt like crying. You were destroying me inside, I just didn't let you see it. "I was just too much of a kid to see it," you said.

"Why are you doing this now?" I croaked. "After all this time, why only now?" I asked in rage.

"Because now I finally see it." You answered. "I finally see how I feel about you." You said. "How I always felt about you."

"Stop," I told you. "Please, stop. Never say that again." I said. "Don't you dare say that again. Never again." I croaked.

"I'm so sorry," You muttered. "If I could slip back time I would," You said.

"But you can't." I interrupted you. "And I finally managed to find Cameron. I've already hurt him enough. He doesn't deserve this." I breathed out.

"Do you love him?" you asked.

I nodded.

"But not like you loved me, right?" You questioned. I felt like slapping you across the cheek.

I didn't answer.

"There are a lot of things I regret doing," You said. "And this one may be one of the biggest one of them," you said and pressed your lips against mine.

I had no time to pull away. The moment I felt your lips against mine, I shut down. It was one of these moments in where your mind just turns off.

Your lips tasted like cherries. They were soft and strangely addicting. I felt a rush running through my whole body. Something I could never be able to put into words.

Then the moment of realization finally came. I pulled away as fast as I could. I stared at you in disbelief.

"What the hell did you do?" I yelled.

You breathed out. "I-I'm so sorry," you said.

"Why did you do that?" I yelled.

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time now," You answered. "That didn't give me the right. I'm so sorry." You muttered. "I-I just thought that..." you kept going.

"That what? That I'd keep on humiliating myself and serving as a rag to you for all this time?" I questioned.

You looked at me with a hurt expression.

"I was stupid enough to have actually thought I could have a chance with you," I said. "I won't be even more stupid to give you one more of the thousands of chances I gave you." I said.

"S, I'm so sorry. I-I..." You whispered.

"No, Tyler. You've already hurt me more than you could possibly imagine." I felt my voice cracking a little. "I won't let you do it again."

You tried pulling me in to a hug but I walked away.

"S, please. I'm so sorry. I-I... " You mumbled.

"No, Tyler." I yelled. "You're sick. You always try to persuade people. I'm not so stupid like I was some years ago. I won't let you hurt me again. Never again." I bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears.

"S," you whispered, but I was already far away from you to be able to hear one more of your thousands of lies.