Winding Road

"Just shut up!" Usually, she holds her tongue against that type of language in front of her children... but it's hard... too hard to contain. Perhaps if if her own blood was't bubbling up as if boiling water over a flame she'd be able to hold herself back... she has been able to do it for the sixteen years her children have been in her life, but right now... she couldn't possibly hold her tongue and be the saint of a mother she usually is. Right now, right in this exact moment she can't bring herself to care because as much as she wants to seem like the definition of a lady in front of her young, she can't. She's revisited by that reckless teenager that admittedly, she has missed dearly. She misses her and even though she is pushing herself back in the present, she can't say hello... not right now... not when the cause of her anger is sitting not but a few inches away from her.

His words... they cut that final thread of patience and she snapped back with venom, her glazed over eyes staring aimlessly out of the window as the edge of a forest rushes past as the car speed increases by the minute... she doesn't bring herself to mention it but she knows she will, she knows that once he hits the pedal. Hard. They go barrelling down the winding road and she will pip up without even realizing it. It's been that way since she can remember.

Exhaustion washes over her at the though of how another fight will erupt if she doesn't get out of the musty car soon and she rests her head against the cool glass window, her mind bringing forth memories of the past three hours that had consisted entirely of shouting, yelling, immature mimicking, dirty looks and rude gestures which had effortlessly brought out a pounding headache and the conclusion of divorce. 

She never wanted her children to see her and their father like that, but unfortunately fate had not been on her side, nor patience and the will to ignore his... well whatever it was that started the fight. To be frank, she doesn't quite remember... they'd been fighting so long a series of topics had passed between them and now she is left clueless as to what it was they had been arguing about in the first place. She does know that it was enough to bring out so much bottled up emotion between the two of them that it had escalated within only a couple of minutes. 

Her head hits the glass when a sudden turn is made and she groans out in pain, her hand pressing against the side of her head as her angry eyes zone in on the man she once had loved so much, she did nearly anything to be with him. Any other time, she would have admired the beauty of the woods either side of her, however anger clouds her vision and she hisses at the forty year old man behind the steering wheel. 

It only seem like three months ago they had still been in their honey moon stage, but both she and he know better then that. The bickering would make her cry herself to sleep at night and he would sit in front of the TV, beer in hand watching hours upon hours of infomercials before finally heading up to the guest's bedroom for bed. She knows it's been tough on the kids; she especially knew that, that fight just then is the cause of their deafening silence. That silence speaks so many words that had been left unsaid during that fight and that, that is what pulls at her heart strings. That is what makes her feel so vulnerable... just like she had been when they first meet. Only this time he is the hammer and not her rock.

She snaps back to reality at the feeling of a hand squeeze her shoulder and she looks behind her at her eldest son, him giving her a small, warm smile... but his eyes... they are so, so very sad and she feels herself want to cry out at the sight. Her own hand overlaps his and squeezes his back as she lets out a shaky sigh.

"Stop the car" She demands as bravely as she can

"what?" His shock is so apparent in his voice and expression it has her rolling her eyes into the back of her head at him. She hasn't a clue about how something she once found to be so stupidly funny and cute, now her main form of irritation. 

"I said stop the car... the kids and I are getting out" She didn't bother looking at him, she simply turned her head to the side and watched as the once blurry picture slowly forms itself into a HD picture. She couldn't be bothered to face him right now.

She had expected an argument, even the smallest of protests but instead she was left surprised as the car pulled to a slow and careful stop on the side of the road. Just as she was about to jump out, a large, all to familiar hand rests itself over hers and she looks over and into worn blue eyes... eyes that though she is angry and hurt at, she will always love... even if she does not love him the same way she once did. She loves him... she loves him so much... but now... it's different. Everything about them and their teenage romance is different. They thought they'd last a lifetime, but now they can barley go five hours without fighting. Of course she still loves him and he her, but time changes people. The love they once shared... it's not something you can just get rid of, but the love they have now... it's so, so very different. Nobody seems to forget their first love and right now she realizes that, they love one another but not in the way they once did. And she knows they can never get that love back.

"I'll get out, I'll call Ben to pick me up" She gapes with wide eyes, stunned as she jumps out of the car and slowly makes his way around to the side of the road.

"Mum?"

"Stay in the car, sweetie" She manages to say to her little girl, letting go of her son's hand she pulls herself out of the car and makes her way to the other side where she will get in and drive away. She stops in front of him and gives him a weak smile.

He too, smiles weakly at her and she remembers the first time she saw that smile. That smile had made her fall in love at first glance and she silently thanks him for the wonderful life he had given her. They had done it all, they had had more history with one another by only five years of loving one another then most people had in a life time and for that, she is so thankful she had meet him that day. She can't imagine her life any other way and though she hurts and her heart aches in pain, she knows she wouldn't trade any one second of it for something else. Nothing could ever come close to being as body and soul consuming as their life together had been. Nothing.

"Thank you" She whisper's and with that she jumps into the car and turns the keys left in the ignition. She lets her children call out a goodbye and wave through the window and just before she steps on the acceleration she looks out the window. He mouths the words she said before and she gives a court nod in reply.

"Goodbye" They say in union and with that the car pushes itself forwards at a steady pace and speed of sixty kilometres...

                 ...

... It's not long before he fades from view, along with the memories of their past.