And so it started
The pain in my chest
The drowzi feeling that lingered around me all day
The constant thoughts of death
The sad frown that held its place
The tears that rained for hours upon hours during the wee hours of the night
The dropping feeling of my soul
The fading of happiness from my heart
The bags under my eyes that told on me for my sleepless night
The monotone responses that everyone retrieves
The glazed over look in my eyes
As I dream of somewhere far off
Somewhere I'm loved
Somewhere I'm not alone
Somewhere that I can feel alive
Anywhere but here
My thoughts grow darker as the clock ticks forward
"How long will it take me this time" I wonder
Hiding under my sheets so nobody hears my cries that I could no longer hold off until night
The soft blanket catches my tears
Like a bucket
But stays wet reminding me of how much I've cried
I know this feeling all to well
I've been here before
Many times
But this time unlike the last
I don't go through the motions
Instead of following the steps I fall into utter numbness
A feeling often referred to as FINE
But has obviously taken its victims hold in a never ending tyrant
That keeps them up for days at a time
Mumbling unheard words of suicide
Unheard goodbyes that might or might not be put in place
Utter lostness
Because now you know
Your absolutely alone
