SHE (On hold)

Chapter 1- Looking back

Chapter 1- Looking back

Here I am, in the car and on the way to my family's attempt at a new beginning thinking about all the possibilities that might happen in a new environment, and for some reason, all the possibilities that I have made up are far from optimism.

Maybe it is due to the recent events, maybe I know the world too well, maybe I am too much of a realist or maybe I am just down right depressed. No matter what the issue, removing the element of emotion has simplified many things in my life. Thinking logically has certainly helped me in the past few months.

The turn of events has caused me to be come too rooted and stable, that logic just makes more sense to me than doing what society deems as normal ( in my opinion, society has only further complicated matters) .

My attachment to people has been minimal, my mom , my dad and little brother just did not make an impact on my life. Well yes I see them everyday, but then again the amount of interaction is similar to that of an asylum. Its either shouting, or crying, or just random bursts of speech.

I am not all lonely, my aunt was my savior. She had dark brown hair, about 1.56 meters in height, a slightly tanned complexion and a small frame. She was one kind of a woman, she was there for me since birth, and took the role of a mother and a sister (which I never had) at the same time. The only person who ever stood up to my dad and his absurd beliefs and practices.

My family is traditional, and they belief that when it comes to finding someone you love, no matter who they are, it will be a definite problem. They assume that their choices for finding a 'match' would be the best. The reasons behind finding the 'match' is simple: the person should be influential in the community and should be wealthy. They have had this system in place for many generations, which is at least 80 years of family history.

My aunt did the ' unthinkable', she fell in love. And that is when it sparked of countless heated arguments between her and my parents. After 4 years of struggle, she recently decided that she had enough and parted ways. Family always meant everything to her, but we all have our limits when it comes to facing problems one after the other for years. She tried to convince them. I cannot remember how many attempts she had, but I believe it to be 4 years. She did what anyone would do, her limits had been tested way too many times and she decided to leave.

My world fell apart.

To come home everyday and constantly getting reminded of her presence was bitter.

I became numb.

The people I once called family now appear strangers to me. Not because of what I know happened, but I just found out who they really were.

I learnt something about maturity. It comes from experience and not age. Which is contrary to that of the society.

I am actually proud of myself as I managed to keep grounded during the war at home. When she left I gave a logical explanation as to why this is better for her. " You are not being treated fairly here, so why do you want to try so hard? Yes they do matter to you, but if you mattered to them, would they still insist?.... Even after all these years? Your happiness is 6 hour drive away? So why wait? We can still keep in touch if that is what you are worried about. You should take this chance. All the best. "

I often heard from her that I do not sound my age. Not every 19 year old goes through what I go through. Its not the worst, I agree, but my situation is far from stable.

My family moved to another state, it was dads' way of saying, I am in charge.

" Dad!, why are we even moving? I am happy here. I am the soccer captain, I got loyal friends, I maintain good grades and stay out of trouble. WHY are we moving? " . He stopped whatever he was doing which I cannot recall due to the influx in my anger and replied.

"This is best for the family".

"And how exactly do you know that?!?"

"I do not need to tell you everything. I believe this is the best thing to do for us, and we are moving. I did not ask for your opinion."

Oh well played Ryan, now you got the old man more angry, I thought to myself.

All these memories replayed in my head again and again until I was tired.
I really needed to sleep. I took out my iPod and played my Rap playlist, at toned down volume. The memories drowned in music.I could feel the fatigue and as the trees whizzed by in the car. I welcomed the much need it darkness as it overwhelmed me.

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