No Stupid Reason to Live {Eremin}

Stuless

Today was the day.

Today Armin would erase his pointless existence.

Today Armin would release his friends of their useless burden.

Today he was going to join his parents.

Armin stared at the noose and chair in his cold bathroom. Bleeding out would take too long and it would have suspicious if brought a gun. He knew his friends were beginning to suspect something. When they questioned why he had circled that particular date on the calendar, he just smiled in response.

They'd gotten too attached to their burden.

He stared at his murder equipment, once again. He smiled to himself. 'Suicide is just self-inflicted murder' everyone remembered Armin Arlert as 'the boy who stopped poor,sweet,innocent Marco Bodt from jumping off the school roof'. The truth is Armin hated the idea of the vulgar students taking pictures of Marco's bloodied, limp corpse. What everyone hadn't heard was Armin whispering to Marco "Not now,not here. You won't be respected" that was the line that had gotten Marco off the roof. Of course, Macro hadn't been able to try again due to being whisked off to the psychiatric, and even afterwards being under the watchful eye of Jean.

Almost nobody would see this coming. Everyone thought Armin was completely anti-suicide , someone you could come to with your suicidal desires to be reassured with a quote and a smile.

Mikasa and Eren were harder to convince. They saw through his fake smiles and anti-suicide façade. Mikasa had been silent in her worry,only furrowing her brows when he responded to her 'Are you okay?'s with an 'I'm fine'. Eren had voiced his concern dis-guarding Armin's 'I'm fine's' with 'No your not's. Looking at his friends' unease, he realized they cared too much. They were unwilling to severe themselves from their burden. So Armin would cut them free himself.

Armin blinked at the noose,he'd lost himself in his thoughts. Armin laughed to himself. It wasn't like he was in a rush. His grandfather would be home late to discover his body. He let his mind flick back through memories of his childhood,back when he was happy. Back to the times when Eren and Mikasa protected him from bullies. God, even back then Armin was as he is now. Stupid and useless. He laughed again when his mind went through a memory of when they thought it was hilarious to combine words. "What word would we have made?" He said to no one. 'Stuless' he thought as he stepped up on the chair and adjusted the noose around his neck 'I'll have to tell Eren that one' he though. He felt his body jerk with realization. He wasn't going to be able to tell Eren. He signed at his stupidity.

Then he clenched his eyes shut... and kicked the chair.

He felt his body drop.

He didn't die.

Armin opened his eyes and looked down at his feet. The chair had dropped but it fell onto it's side right under Armin's feet. Armin looked up to where the noose hung from the ceiling and down at his feet standing haphazardly on the thin couldn't even kill himself right. He considered just jumping off again but decided against it. Armin slowly removed the noose from his neck and stepped down.

He observed the scene in front of him. He focused on the chair toppled onto its side where he had stood just seconds ago.

Was this Earth's way of telling him he should live? He tried to think of somrthing he did to deserve a second chance. His mind came to the joke he thought of minutes ago. Was the world telling him his friend needed to hear that joke? Armin pondered for a second and nodded, as if to agree with Earth's judgement, Eren defiantly deserved all the laughter in the world for dealing with a burden such as Armin.

As he left his cold bathroom,to get his phone, he looked back at the scene. 'I'll surely try again after I tell Eren' Armin thought as he left the room.

He picked his phone off the bedside table and dialled the number. Eren picked up on the fifth ring. Armin estimated that five rings was about enough time to pause whatever game he was playing, grumble,check the caller ID, stare in disbelief for awhile and hurriedly answer.

"Armin?!" Armin laughed at Eren eager tone.

"Hey Eren" Armin replied as he tried to soothe his shaking breaths.

"What's up"

"Oh I just thought of something funny"

"Care to share?"

Armin let out a shaky laugh "Why do you think I'm calling"

After telling his childish joke ,Eren was confused but still laughed regardless, Armin stared at his phone for awhile. '' Guess I should go back to what I was doing" he whispered to himself. But then he remembered there was no milk in the fridge. He'd have to go get some but the supermarket was pretty far away so by the time he got back his grandfather would be home. Armin sighed. He might as well make himself useful before he died so he could be remembered as less of a burden. He'd already made his friend laugh, why not buy milk for his grandfather?

After that Armin came up little excuses for why he die yet:

If I die ,who will stop Sasha from shaving her head

If I die , who will break up Eren and Jean when Jean realizes it was Eren who gratified his car

If I die , who will make grandfather's lunch today

If I die , the trip to sea world will be cancelled

If I die , who will take care of Annie's cat while she's on holiday

But those were all short term. It wasn't till Eren confessed to him that Armin's excuses became a reason because:

If I die, who will love Eren.