At one time.. It hurt to breath, to see anything in resemblance of what once was. When a new beginning came, all I thought was to run and hide. It hurt. All these thoughts bombarding me to and thro. It hurt. All my problems hitting me one by one like a wrecking ball. It hurt. Every second to keep going on. All for few who appreciated my life held by chains unknownst to them but me.. It hurt. To stay awake in the middle of the night and think that it all would be okay the next day, only to wake up the next day and realize I cried that night inside my mind, hard to breath, hard to break free, hard to be ME, hard to be who I want to be, who I was supposed to be... That perfect daughter. That perfect sister. That perfect friend. All happy. All innocent. But you know what? I am none of those. I may have my moments the happiest I have had. I may have once been innocent. But now? All I want to do is awake one morning and stop. Just. Stop being this person I want to be. Just be me. Just be free. But I can't and no matter how many times I try it never works. Who am I?... Who am I anymore? I honestly, have no idea. I say all these things, I laugh, I cry, I beg, I plead, but in the end. Was that really me?.. Am I really who I say I am? Or am I different? The closed up girl I used to be, in her shell of stone, hard to hold on to her chaotic mind full of torturous mazes. Or. The curious childish loving daughter full of laughter and boyish clothing. Who am I really. Who. Am. I. I have no idea, and the best thing I could ever do in my entire life is to figure that out. And I am trying. I am trying so fucking hard. It is just hard sometimes, to keep going on in life. Only to know and feel that all that is ahead of you can only be dread and agony. I may have fun, my friends, my life, my own happiness.. But sometimes even that isn't enough for me. I am selfish. But. It's the truest thing in the world for me. I just need to find my way, I guess...
