Some other person

STILES POV

The Awesome Journal 

August 22, 2013

Ms. Morrell........ said maybe .....if I started writing a journal........ I'd start feeling better about myself..... about how my life seems to be out of control....... that after being beaten up and dealing with all the death from the Kanima....... that writing it down would help me heal....... she just doesn't know that their is more bleeding infected wounds on my body than there are normal flesh....... emotionally speaking.......but hey I'll give it a try.......though I will have to burn these after I'm done....... secrets have to stay hidden or they will come back and tear your throat out. with their teeth......... and god there are so many secrets in this town...... and mine just adds to it.......

It's early Monday morningish at Beacon Hills... I don't have to be up for four more hours ..... it's the first full week of school......Stiles is up early ... and by early he means never went to sleep Sunday night...... oh well...... Jackson is gone.... ran off in the middle of the night with his family to merry ole' England...... what a douche bag.... fuck what a wanker.... ha.....English humor.... Jackson is a bloody tosser twat..... love goggle and finding new ways to say Jackson is an asshole.... yep he's just some smeg on the old duffer's willey..... ha.... it's almost as much fun as making dog jokes at Scott...... or creeper jokes at Derek and pervy bad touch uncle jokes at recovering evil Peter........... or asking a hunter if that's a gun in their pants or are they looking for a bitch tonight..... you know girl dog.... werewolf....ha ha..... 

Erica and Boyd are still missing.......  and I haven't heard anything from Issac or Derek..... and I so don't want to hear anything from Zombie wolf ....well except for 'arghhh I'm dying'.... yeah so would be good to hear that....... Scott's on this better Scott program.... summer school..... reading...... being a good son...... working at the vet clinic.... leaves a little time for me......more like no time for me...... even though being a better friend is also on his list, I haven't seen him in two months.... .....I do get these short texts from him......well I did till two weeks ago.........then it was radio-Scott silence........... I really can't tell you the last time we talked on the phone..........he never answers my calls...........sometimes I don't know ........when summer started...... one day I have Scott.... you know the old Scott.... pre bitten Scott...... you know a few minutes......maybe if I'm really lucky a couple of hours of Scott and Stiles....... but that's all it is..... a few hours........ then  it's gone....... and he's off with Issac.... or something else..... it hurts sometimes..... all the time.... he has all these friends and I'm mostly alone....... sometimes I think ........ he gets a little further away from me..... soon I'll just be left completely......but sadly I think I'm getting OK with that........ right now I have to admitt it I'm really OK with him out of my life.......... I know he's a werewolf........ I know I can't connect on that level....... I don't have his abilities......... but I'm not useless....... I'm really good at keeping secrets...... I have been all my life.... Scott knows nothing of me before we moved to Beacon Hill when I was twelve.......dad got a job as a deputy and mom was one of the high school councilors...... though Scott and the rest of the town remember us moving here when I was eight...... amazing what magik can do for you when you are on the run....... It says I'm seventeen in a few weeks but I'm actually eighteen already...... I missed school for a year when we started running from the bad guys and our family...

I have to play the fool ..... everyday .... whenever it's not just me and dad...... the clumsy spaz..... the ADHD kid that can't shut his mouth...... that makes everyone run away....... I look in the mirror sometimes and wonder who the fuck I am anymore...... Mom died almost a year after we arrived here....... mom would know who I was now........ she always knew .........one of the things we were running from found us...... well it found me....... mom saved me..... but it killed her right in front of me.... ... tore my mom to pieces right in front of me...... sometimes I can look in the mirror and I see her blood splashed across my face......... and sometimes I can't even remember what her voice sounds like..........dad showed up before it got me...... then he made it look like mom was in a car accident......huge explosion....fire.... hardly any remains.......closed coffin type thing....... a big piece of dad died with her that day....... but I had Scott...... he helped me through it.......he made it not feel like I was all alone in the dark........ all dad did was drink...... he took leave for a month...... and drank.... if it weren't for Ms. McCall and delivery...... we would have starved...... dad didn't talk to me for over a week.....he never left their bedroom..... I'd leave food at the door..... he sometimes ate........ one day..... it was almost the end of his leave of absence......Ms. McCall tore him a new ass..... telling how he was letting down Claudia...... letting down his son........ and most of all letting himself down.... after that talk my dad picked himself up and started over....... he ran for Sheriff and won...... and I think it makes it easier on him..... he works all the time..... and I hardly see him...... everyone says I look like my mom..... I have her eyes..... he still drinks to much..... but I make him eat healthier....