Most peoples inspirations come from happiness or sadness or excitement. Mine come from anger. I feel like it is a better emotion. Anger sets your whole body on fire, it sends your mind places that you never wanted to go. It makes you say things that you never wanted to say. It just boils deep within me and melts into my bones. It always starts as a headache then travels to the pit of my stomach. It overflows over my tongue, out of my mouth. Sometimes, some of it goes to my fists too. I've never hurt anyone, physically or on purpose. I only ever hurt myself. I hurt many people emotionally, I know that. Yet, I usually just ignore it or avoid them. I will apologize eventually and that fixes our relationship sometimes, but there is always this intense guilt that I feel. Only for a second though. After that, I will stuff it into a chest and push it to an unused corner in the back of my mind; where it is supposed to be. Somehow, it always comes back. I know that I am a terrible person, so as soon as I am alone, I pull out my razor and push it toward my ankle. I have many scars there. I draw little lines for every person that I have hurt and then I feel a little better. For I am a disgusting human being and only care about how I feel. I deserve to be hurt. I deserve to die. I have actually tried on more accounts than one. I am just too much of a coward to do so.
I really wish that I could be brave.
