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10. I love him.
There is only one reason and that is, I love him. I love everything about him. His strengths and weaknesses, his goodness and badness, his weirdness and awesomeness. Everything about him, I accept. No matter what kind of person he is, I will still love him. I don't regret loving him even though he doesn't love me back. I did a lot of sacrifices, I did a lot of things for him. That's how much I love him. I don't care if he doesn't know how much I love him. I am the only one who should know "those sacrifices" and "those things I did for him". Because I think, he doesn't need to know.
Just this week, I found out something about him. I found out about this girl that he has been loving for a long time. I don't know why God let me find it out or why He let me find it out only now. This may be has a reason. You can't imagine how hurt I am. When I am hurt, I'm silent.
After finding it out, I am contemplating..
Should I ask him about the girl? Or just keep it to myself?
I kept it to myself for a day... but what confirmed my findings about the girl was that I saw his Twitter posts about being "happy".
I'm not saying I'm not happy if he is happy. But I have this feeling that it is something about this girl.
I don't know what really is happening between the two of them. But one thing is for sure, they like each other.
If that is the case, I'm knocked out already even though the fight hasn't started yet.
So now I am asking myself again, should I ask him about the girl? Or just keep it to myself?
If I tell him, I might push him away.
Last night he was aloof. He did not mind me. He only cared about his phone. He was texting and calling someone with a worried face.
These actions only add to my worries and again, ask these questions to myself: Should I ask him about the girl? Or just keep it to myself?
Before we were so happy. We dated, I also gave him gifts.. He showed appreciation and I felt special. But I didn't know that it won't last forever.. Those happy moments were temporary.. Most of my time, I am in pain.
But part of being in love is being hurt. Happiness and pain. They go hand in hand.
To move on, I have to undergo that "hurt" feeling.
As what my favorite book says, "Pain demands to be felt."
If I'm used to of this pain, I might be dumb and this dumbness will help me to move on.
As of now, I only care about his happiness..
Even though I am not the one who can give it to him..
I just want him to be happy.
If you are happy, I'm happy.
That what love is.
