Keep On Staying Strong

The original me

So this all started somewhere. Along every road I have taken in my life I have ended up somewhere I didn't want to be, or didn't feel safe.

I imagined my life different. Different in a way like I haven't been in a long time. Maybe more comfortable. I've never had a place I could call a home , or a family I can hundred present rely on. It made things hard.

Maybe things being hard made me this way. I grew up believing in a world of daddy doesn't come home, mommy plays with the gun and your brother is a total anti - social . I believed my life could never be different and somewhere I knew it could but only with a lot of failures.
So to cut it all short.
My mom was a total psycho and abused me and my brother and a little bit my dad!*.

My Dad then got so bored in his mid life crisis and cheated on my mom with my teacher..(messed up, but not even the worst)
My dad told me about this and was an attempt to win over my trust. I was only 10 at the time and it confused me only more.

So staying strong would be the ideal thing to do at this point.
But somehow, I couldn't be... I thought I would be able to but I just couldn't. It felt like betrayal
So one night my mom decides to hit me again. My dad came in, stopped her and told her he wants a divorce and that "she" would never hurt me.

My mom was hurt. I could see it. She would always say. "Milianka, your worthless, just admit it." I would be in tears... She would just laugh.

Was I not a good daughter?

Was I not the one she wanted ?

After all my brother was the first. His name is Roderick Daniels. Maybe if I was like him, smart , good looking and impeccably unaware of my parents bullshit. Maybe he just was mature enough to let them be.

I on the other hand was a fighter. I was always afraid and hid from them when they fought. I had an average mark on my rapport, I was too skinny to describe , and mostly I was innocent. I didn't want any trouble. I had a bop cut with big sea - green eyes. My hair was a hazel colour and I had thick pink lips.

Being afraid came naturally. It was something nobody thought I would be.. But yet I was