Impossible to Forgive

Chapter 17: War Wounds

I smiled with pride at all of the work that we had accomplished. There's nothing better than the feeling of a job well-done.

Kakashi leaned back in his chair with a sigh and slumped shoulders, "I think that's everything."

"Yep," I started to get up from the chair that I had pulled up to the other side of his desk while he had worked. "The mission should be ready."

I stood up too quickly. My hip screamed in protest, the joint creaking in its socket and the damaged nerves shooting out white-hot needles of pain. I staggered slightly, and I reached out for the side of the desk for support. Faster than the human eye could follow, Kakashi was out of his chair and had his arm under my shoulders, supporting almost all of my weight.

"Kaiyo, what's wrong?"

I took a shaky breath and tried to pass it off like it was nothing, but the cold sweat on my forehead was not helping me plead my case. "Just a remnant of the Fourth Shinobi World War." Another phantom pain shot through me, and I sucked in air like a vacuum.

Gently, Kakashi maneuvered me back to my chair and placed me in it gingerly. I didn't even protest the fact that he was touching me.

"Is there anything that I can get you? Ice, painkillers, anything?"

"Maybe just a glass of water."

Kakashi nodded and shot off with his haori reading "Sixth Fire Shadow" flapping behind him.

I tried calming myself with the breathing exercises that my physical therapist had taught me, and they were helping a tiny bit.

Kakashi came back in an instant later, "Here, I grabbed you some water. If you need anything else, just let me know."

I gratefully accepted and took tiny sips, just waiting for my brain to realize that there wasn't a sword still stuck in my side.

"Can I ask what happened?"

I nodded, "A reanimated ninja caught my hip with a sword. It lodged in the bone and permanently damaged the nerves to a degree that even medical ninjutsu couldn't put them back together again. The joint's also a little messed up and..." I had no idea why I was about to tell this to Kakashi, but the words just came out before I could stop them. "And I'll never be able to have children of my own."

Admitting that out loud caused all of the pain that I had tried to convince myself that I wasn't feeling to come. I had tried to tell myself that I hated children, and that it was fine because being a mother was never something that I wanted. But those were lies. I hated annoying children, but not all children. When I was young I would dream about starting a family of my own, and I had always secretly wanted to be a mother. Now that was a physical impossibility. I knew that adoption was an option, especially after the war and all the orphans it created. But there was just something about raising a person who was your own flesh and blood, and that was something that I would never be able to experience.

The tears that I had shut away since the day that I had heard the news started to pour down my face. The dam had been shattered and now there was no chance of holding back the flood.

Kakashi came around to the side of the chair and wrapped me into a large hug. I buried my face into the tall collar of his haori and tried to slow down my breathing. His hand rubbed up and down my back calming me down a little, and I couldn't hate him. At that moment I realized that nothing that I did could cause me to hate him. Nothing could cause me to hate the caring person who had just dropped everything to take care of me. My refusal to accept that he had changed was just as bad as his refusal to attend his father's funeral. The tears came faster and thicker as I realized just how foolish I had been, holding onto my hatred for all of those years like that. I had let my anger blind me and consequently lost touch with Kakashi for more than twenty-five years, years that could never be regained no matter what I did.

I cried even harder because I had hated Kakashi.

A/N: For her hip injury not being able to be treated, just think about Lee's injury and how the surgery had a fifty percent chance of killing him. Kaiyo is much older than Lee was at the time of his surgery so his body was more adaptable, and since she can still walk there is no point in her under going such a risky procedure.