Akumal

Nothing To Worry About

Present

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But I will always love you.

Those were the last words written in his beautiful scrawled handwriting.

We hadn't even known each other for more than a few weeks and we had shared fewer than three kisses. And he loved me.

I didn't want to admit it, but he was right. We could have never made a long distance relationship work. But that didn't give him the right to break up with me like that... or maybe it did. I didn't know.

My face was already wet with tears from reading and re-reading the note, sitting sprawled out on my bed. In my left arm was my stuffed turtle from the boardwalk, which I squeezed a little tighter every time I read the note in my other hand. There was an untouched bowl of cut up cantaloupe sitting beside me, which I had decided to both completely ignore and talk to. Yes, I was crying to a bowl of fruit. How pathetic am I?

Just like at so many other points during my pathetic life, I was dealing with a whole jumble of mixed up emotions. I swear, if I ever see Akoni again... What would I do? I wanted to punch him, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to thank him for always being there for me (except now obviously, probably when I needed him most) and yadayadayada. But I was probably never going to see him again. So unless I called him, which I had no intention of doing (it would be like sending a sword right through my heart), we were over.

"What do I do, Fred?" I asked to my fruit. Yes, I named him. I really yearned to call up Alana, but... she probably would ignore me. She still wasn't over our... falling out, I'll call it. So instead I waited for a response from my fruit.

"You should go and fall in love with that Arizona. That will solve everything," he answered.

Yup. I was hallucinating.

I yawned. Boy, I should really get some sleep. Now I think my fruit's responding to me.

I put the letter down on my bedspread beside my (fixed) turtle necklace and my diary. You know what? Let's call it a journal. That sounds less girly. Anyway, I picked up my phone and turned it on to check the time. It was 6:36. What was wrong with me? How was I tired? 

"Probably from working at your new job," Fred said, as if reading my mind. Sure, why not? He was already a talking bowl of fruit, why not make him a telepathic one too?

He did have a point, though. I was tired, but for more than one reason. I was tired from working. I was tired of constant let downs. Of crying. "But hey, what's new with you, Fred?"

"Oh, nothing much. This fruit fly on my head is brand new though. Do you like it? It was half GET IT OFF!" I swatted away the fly. "Thank you. But yeah, I'm great, the kids are great... not like you, though. You don't look great." He replied.

I sighed. "I know. Aren't I pathetic?"

He didn't reply.

I hung my head, which caused me to look down at my journal. There was something peeking out of it. What had I stuck in there? I always kept it organized... who am I kidding? It's a diary... I mean journal... for crying out loud!

I released my chokehold on the poor turtle and reached for the book. The cover was smooth, covered with a pattern containing my favorite animal of all time. Opening it to the page, I found something that surprised me... a photograph. Since when did I stick this in here? Instantly, I recognized it as a photo I thought had disappeared like ten thousand years ago. Yes, exaggeration alert.

It was from back in Hawaii. It showed a familiar beach in the afternoon, with the water splashing steadily along the shore, the sun setting on the horizon. A beautiful mixture of oranges and pinks and yellows splayed across the sky. But that's not why I loved the picture.