beautiful disaster // j.s

three- synagogue

I woke up in a tangled mess. My hair was my face and the sunlight straight in my eyes, giving me a sting in the eyes. I groaned as I realized, It was a Saturday

I walked in front of my mirror and grasped my long thin comb. I combed it through my straight light brown waist length hair. I grabbed my tights that connect to my feet, a long-sleeved navy blue loose dress, a white underwear and bra. I ran to the bathroom.

I hung my new clothes on the hook. I took my clothes and undergarments off, threw them in the hamper. I turned the hot water on and hopped in the shower.

The hot water comforted my body, I closed my eyes as I stood there and thought of my life before Cali.

+

+

"Run Aspen!" Clara yelled laughing.

I giggled while running.

"Aunt Clara, Aunt Clara." I yelled and tripped on my ten year old tiny feet.

My aunt was no where in sight, I began to worry as a warm tear ran down my left cheek.

Large hands gripped my waist and picked me up, kissing my right cheek.

I giggled, realizing it was my loving Aunt.

She faced me forward and looked into my innocent chocolate brownie eyes.

"Why are you crying?" She asked wiping the tear with her thumb.

"I thought you left me." I said,

"I am going to, but hopefully not anytime soon." She said and we began playing once again.

+

+

I opened my eyes and shampooed, then conditioned my hair. I washed my body with cherry blossom body wash and rinsed off.

I wrapped my Mickey Mouse towel around my hair a white one around my body.

I wiped my body dry and put my undergarments on, then my tights and finally my dress.

I went to my room and blow dried my hair.

My mom came upstairs, into my room.

"Will you make a french braid?" I questioned.

"Of course darling." She said, grabbing my hair gently.

She made a french braid and put a flower headband over my head.

"Thank you mother." I said looking down.

"Your welcome." My mom kissed my forehead.

I smiled and ran down the stairs, where my father and brothers were waiting on me.

"Mother is coming soon." I managed to let out a small smile.

All of them were in suit and ties. Mother walked downstairs in a long loose black dress with her hair in a french braid, like me.

"Ready?"Abe asked.

"Yes." We all said and walked to the car and sat inside.

Abraham drove us to the Synagogue and once we arrived, we sat together close to the top row.

Once we finished, we went back to the car and sat still, till Abraham looked at me.

"Aspen, would you like to get ice cream?" He focused on my facial features.

I just nodded.

I looked over at Zeke and Lijah, who shared a seat together. Leaving me alone in the back with mother. I laid my head back on her chest as we waited.

The car ride wasn't that long, but it was long enough to rethink about what happened last night. I felt so guilty, like I had committed a crime. A crime that god would never forgive me for.

'I tried to push him off, but he was just so strong. I tried, I did' My began racing as I remembered the feeling of his touch. Was I trying to convince god or myself?

The car came to a complete stop. We were here.

We walked to the shop and entered.

"May I have a butter vanilla?" I asked Abe, who usually ordered it for me.

"Yes." He said and ordered.

Lijah and Zeke got mint chocolate and insisted on sharing it together.

I sometimes wished I had someone to share anything with, someone to talk with. I never had much friends or any sister which bothered me time to time.

"Let's go." Abe said, once everyone got what they wanted.

We drove home in silence.

Once we arrived, I ran to my room and changed into a pair of tights and an over sized long-sleeved white tee. I undid my hair, the french braid caused my hair to be a little curly but not too much.

I went down the stairs and sat on the couch, realizing I had school after tomorrow. I despised school, everyone would stare like I'm an alien or 'accidentally' trip me. I hated how my brothers fitted in and I never did. I will always stand out. I let out a sigh and decided to go for a walk. I was never allowed without supervision and I hated it. I tapped on Lijah's shoulder

"Can we go for a walk?" I asked.

"Not now Aspen, I'm busy." He responded harshly.

"Okay." I looked down in disappointment and began to walk away when I heard Lijah sigh.

"Fine, only if Zeke can join" He let out a small laugh.

"Thank you Lijah." I smiled at him.

We walked out the door and casually began walking.

We usually walked in silence, depending on if we had anything to talk about.

While we walked, I noticed two boys. One being oddly familiar.

Zeke and Lijah began talking to one of them, leaving the familiar stranger's eyes on me.

My eyes were glued to the floor and I could feel my cheeks burn. I waited patiently thinking anytime soon, Lijah and Zeke would sense my fear and disorientation but then again why would they care. I spoke too soon.

My eyes flashed up, as the front door slammed open. Another young fellow walked out the door with a stick figure in between his index and middle finger.

"Does she not talk?" One asked.

"Something like that." Zeke said while they all started laughing. The heat began so rise on my cheeks and the rhythm of my heart rose as well.

-

We left after an hour or so later of the five of them chattering outside of their house.

I found out one of them was named Nate and the other, Derek. I just didn't know the one from last night.

-

I shut my diary and set it on the table by the lamp and turned the light off.

I stared and the pure black ceiling, I had school after tomorrow and I really didn't want to go. I forcefully shut my eyes pushing away from my thoughts but some remained.