Learning To Feel Again

Chapter 2

I awoke to the sound of Sleeping With Sirens playing off my phone. I reach for my phone under my pillow and turn the sound off, while checking the time. '7:22' 

"Great" I mumble falling back into my bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow the memories of last night came rushing back. The feel of him touching me with his cold hands and the evil look in his eyes. I will never escape him. He always will find a way to get to me. I hate him with everything in me.

With tear filled eyes, I run to my joining bathroom and lock the door. I sit on the ground and start crying. I hate this feeling of self loathing. I hate that he touched me and I was too weak to stop him. 

I continue to cry silently when I hear a quite knock on my door.

"Alex? You in there?" my dad questions. 

I wipe my eyes and swallow back the lump in my throat. "Yeah dad. You need something?"

"Just wanted to tell you breakfast is in a few minutes and then we are going out. Okay sweetie?" 

"Okay" I listen to his footsteps retreat out my door. 

I stand up and look in the mirror. I am truly sickened by the sight. I use to be that girl with happiness and hope in her eyes and now all I have is fear and hatred. A bunch of nothing. I miss the girl who had a great day almost everyday and was friends with everyone. The girl who wasn't a trouble maker or the girl who will let a guy have so much power over her. 

I am now the girl no one wants in their life. The girl that people think is troubled and causes nothing but problems. The girl who drinks to forget the pain in her life. The one who goes and parties all night, but freaks out if a guy touches her. 

I look at my dull green eyes and wipe the tears away. I strip out of my bra and boy shorts and climb in the shower. I turn the water on almost scolding and let my body go numb. I watch the water run down my body and stop my eyes on my scars. The scars I made to forget the pain. The scars that allowed me to be free. But I promised myself I would never do that again and it was true. I won't.

I finish my shower ten minutes later and I get out and cover myself in my fluffy towel and go to my room. The towels are one of the good things about this house. I grab my white Vans shirt, black and grey flannel, and my black leggings. Getting dressed quickly, I run to the bathroom and give my self a one over. 

My dirty blonde hair is wet and wavy, ending just under my rib cage. My green eyes look a little better, but still a little puffy. Everything else looks good. I'll admit that I am pretty, but sometimes I just don't feel that way. I want to, but I don't. 

"You can do this" I say to myself "You can be strong. You are not going to let some douche-bag have control over you. You are going to be strong and collected. Show no weakness" I point to myself and strongly finish. 

I can do it. I am not going to let him win. Never. 

You may wonder why I don't tell anyone. It's simple. No one will believe a screwed up girl like me over a wealthy business man besides I don't want people looking at me differently. Plus he is my dads best friend and he really scares me and I don't know what he would do to me. 

I start down the stairs and can already smell the bacon. 'Yum' 

Following the scent I arrive to see my dad setting all the food on the table and turning around to see me. "Hi baby girl. How did you sleep?"

"Okay" I answered trying to drown the memories out of me.

"Well you are just in time. Come. Sit." Before he finished that sentence I was already in my seat. .