Her Mistake.

Chapter 1: The night that changed everything

      How do you forget the thing that hurt you the most? This has always been a question I've asked myself, little did I know that I could be hurt this much. I've always thought that I'd been hurt as much as I could be. This pain is something that you'll never know exist until you experience it. I've always thought that being hurt all felt the same, it doesn't, nothing can compare to this. I wish this felt like a heart break, I wish that this felt like being let down, never did I think that I would rather be dead than standing here today.    

      I think I've cried enough today to last a lifetime, I'm tired of crying. I just never know how to control it. It just pours out of me when ever I think of it. I've cried at least 20 time since it happened last night at 10. It's been a few hours I shut my phone off, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want people I barely know texting me telling it's gonna be alright.

      Don't you just hate that? When someone texts you that you barely know after something tragic happens in your life. They say it's gonna be alright, but I guess that's what your suppose to say. Right? Even the people you know, your friends, your family. They all tell you it's gonna be okay. But they don't actually know. Especially if they've never been through it.

      So how can they tell you it's okay? How can anybody tell me it's okay? Especially people who've never been through it. Nobody should be reassuring me that it's gonna be okay. Nobody was there just me and my dad. He was letting me drive just like he did after every football game. I would get so excited about driving I wouldn't even change out of my cheerleading uniform. This time it was when I was driving I thought I'd gotten good enough to pay just enough attention to the road. But when me and my dad were goofing off singing I started going to fast. I almost rear-ended the car in front of us. I went to swerve out of the way and I missed that car but hit another car. Our car half in one lane and half in the other. Every car except the one that was behind us originally stopped in time. The car spun and wrecked into the passengers side. The impact instantly killed my dad. At which point I was already having an anxiety attack, now to top it all off I'm hysterically crying. I climbed out our sun roof and call 911.

      The operator picks up "911 what's your emergency?"

      I'm searching for the right words and although a million flood into my mind, none rush to my mouth. I can't breathe and I'm trying my best to suck air into my lungs, it doesn't help that I cannot quit crying for the love of anything.

      The operator starts to speak again, it all sounds like mumbling. Because, I just realized I'm standing in the exact spot where I killed my father, will my mother forgive me, will my siblings hate me?

      She's basically yelling in my ear at this point "Ma'am I'm going to need you to answer me. You're gonna need to tell me where you are, and why you've called for help."

      One of the football players from the game must have been behind us because he runs up and takes the phone he begins to talk " Hello? Yes ma'am there's been a crash next to Vermont High School. Yes thank you ma'am." For a minute I wonder who he was talking to, then it comes back I called 911, my dad just died and I crashed into another car possible killing another person.

      I start to scream or cry or both, I go to run towards the big pile of cars forgetting everything around me except those 3 cars. The football player hooks his arm around my mid-stomach and pulls me back.

      I barely remember what I was screaming, before I realize that the football player is my best friend. I stop fighting to get away and fall back into him. Needing something to support me. We sit on the curb and he lets me calm down before he asks me the simple questions. He avoids asking how it happened.

      He asks me, "Are you sure you're okay?"

      "I'm positive." He's not asking emotionally, he's asking if I'm physically okay. Which I am, not a single scratch.

      He keeps staring at me as if saying the wrong thing could break me, gosh I hate that look. It's the looks of pity. "Umm," he does that stupid cough thing that you do when you feel awkward sitting in silence "are you cold?"

      "Yeah actually, I am cold. Could I have your varsity jacket?" He shrugs it off and wraps it around me.

      "Thanks"

      We sat in silence for a good 5 minutes before we heard the sirens. They pull up on the street, where everyone is pulled over watching. I feel so many things right now. I feel like jumping up and running away, but I also feel like I'm froze, from being grief stricken. I lay my head on my best friend, Alec's shoulder. I was gonna try to sleep but I can't, so I just watch them pull these limp, lifeless bodies from the cars. 2, from the car I hit, 1 from the car that hit us. Then of course my dad was pulled out of our car. I couldn't watch that so I burry my head in Alec's arm. I'm just trying to find comfort, and Alec seems like the closest thing I'm getting to that.

      "I love you," he whispers in my ear "I'll always be here."

      I wrap my arms around his stomach, probably squeezing the life out of him. But he doesn't seem to mind so neither do I. I whisper into his side "And me more." tears streaming down my face and him starting to sob now, that's what I use to say to my dad. I say "You better always be here I don't want you going anywhere."

      I'm soaking his side and I can feel him started to sob too. He's fighting for air and I can feel his stomach getting big with every breathe he takes. Fighting air into his lungs, as I do the same.