Damaged

This is Where it all Started

My name is Ronnie and I come from a broken home. I was born in Seattle, Washington. My parents never got married they separated and went their own ways when I was just three years old. I don't really remember much but what my mother told me. My dad and my mom were both drug addicts. My dad sold all of my Disney movies for his drugs and when my mom was working or with her sister he was in charge of watching me. There was multiple occasions where I was being watched by the neighbors because I was almost hit by a car. Where was my dad you ask? He was too high and strung out in the bedroom to care for his daughter. One night when my mom came home she found me in the kitchen the only light on was the one from the refrigerator with me in the middle of the kitchen and grains of rice all over the kitchen floor and me eating butter out of the tub. My mother freaked the hell out and went and woke my dad up and made him clean the whole kitchen while she cleaned me up and then fed me. She was not happy. They stayed civil for me of course but it didn't last long. My mom met my stepdad and they got together. When I was three my mother and I came home from visiting my aunt and her husband in the mountains and I walked into my dads bedroom to find him trying to kill himself because my mother was leaving him.

I believe that is where it all started for me, because what three year should find their father trying to kill himself. My mother had a good reason to leave him and take me with her. She didn't want me to grow up with drug addicts for parents she wanted me to grow up to be a better person and to have a better life than what she had. She wanted what was best for me. She tried to protect me, well that's what I want to believe. My father though after he tried to kill himself he decided drugs were the thing he wanted not his child. His little girl, his baby, I guess the drugs was his child and his family. He chose the drugs over his daughter. Nobody knew that the abandonment was going to be hard for a child. Yes I had a stepdad to take care of me and my mom someone who loved us but you know that wasn't what I looked for. I wanted my dad but he wasn't there. He didn't get to see my grow up and become the person I was destined to be. At a young age I thought I was destined to follow in their foot steps and then I had someone open my eyes for me and tell me I would be able to be who I wanted to be.

My dad made his choice when I was younger and that set me on the path of destruction. I heard all the statistics growing up a child from drug addicts was known to follow those steps. After my mother and I left my dad we stayed with my aunt and her husband in the mountains where I lost my childhood pet. He was my best friend, my baby. We played tag and I fed him his food, he slept with me and he was mine. The one good thing that came out of my parents my mother always says was me and my pet. My mother and I went to visit my other aunt and uncle and their kids in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. My mother was pregnant with my little sister so when she was almost due we went back to Seattle so she could have my sister and then she got arrested with my stepdad. I don't know how long she was gone for I stayed with a family friend while my little sister who was just a couple months old was with her aunt. 

After my mother got released she came and got us and then we ended up back in Philadelphia with her sisters and brother in laws. We lived there for about two years until my stepdad got into trouble and we moved to live with my aunt and her husband in Nashville, Tennessee. We lived there for about five years. In that time living with my aunt and her husband I was always getting into trouble for no reason my little sister was two or three around this time. We got a whooping so bad that we had welts on our legs and bottom and my mother couldn't stop it and neither could my aunt. I don't even remember why we were getting whooped. He went with our age and if we didn't count along or if we cried out for help or cried in pain he started over. It was bad for me because I couldn't do it. If we didn't know why we were being 'punished' he would add on and keep going. Soon though we had the place to us and they moved down the street from us. They would watch me when my mom and dad were at work and my little sister was at her sitters. My parents couldn't afford the both of us being watched. It was the summer I wasn't playing softball that it all started. My aunts husband would pick me up from my place and take me to theirs. When my aunt wasn't home it started off with him touching me and then progressed to him fingering me and then he molested me. It went on for a couple years until they moved away from us. He was a sick bastard made me think it was all my fault and that nobody would believe me. 

It took me a couple years after it was over to tell my parents and even then it was still hard to cope with. We ended up moving right after they did back to Philadelphia and then we moved back to Seattle. That's when all the shit hit the fan. That's when I saw the broken part of my family and saw how bad it was to be me. I didn't really want to be alive or be there anymore. I just didn't know that was how I was feeling. The feeling was new to me. I knew I wasn't the perfect daughter. I became a loner and wanted to be alone with my drawings and writings. I didn't want to be bothered. Life as I knew it was gone. I thought that was the worse thing that could happen to me. Well I had another thing coming and I had no clue what was about to happen, but I definitely didn't know how I was going to do it without the help of family. 

That was how it started now it's time you get to meet the people who met me and left and the people who stayed. Then there are the people who broke me and made me one hundred times worse. This is just the beginning and it only continues to get worse.