I'm Sorry

Hey, this is my entry for writing contest number five held by @WattyFallers and @EZ-Dayz. The cover art isn't mine, it belongs to http://timetraveler171.tumblr.com/ (Just let me know if you want it taken down, or if the have said they want it taken down. It'll be done faster than you can say Gravity Falls.) I do want to warn you that this AU isn't really happy, and there is a bit of violence and some character death in this. There's nothing extremely graphic, but please be careful, and don't finish if you don't want to. If you're a-okay, than please, enjoy!

***

I've been made fun of my whole life. Nothing could change that. I thought I was fine with it. I was betrayed by my own twin, or at least, that's how I viewed it. I thought I was fine with that too. I finally found someone who understood me, only for him to walk out of my life as if nothing we'd worked for mattered. I thought I was fine with that. I found someone else after him, but I could tell he wasn't what I was looking for. He still believed in his family, he still had them to turn to. I thought I was fine with this as well.

But when all of it lead up to this, to being turned to gold, to being used as a play thing, something snapped. It didn't matter that Stanly and Dipper and Mabel were family anymore. It didn't matter that Fiddleford had been, was, my friend. I didn't care.

To this day, I still can't tell if it was Bill's magic, or if something truly snapped. If I truly lost it, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Either way, I'm sorry.

I remember making the deal to give me demonic powers. I remember Bill's shocked expression (if you could even call it that) as I moved the chains that bound me to him instead. I remember the fearful faces of his followers as I laughed in their faces, their master hanging from chains in my six-fingered grasp. I remember that I first destroyed all the weirdness. I remember that none of that was me, none of it was something I'd do. I'd never be stupid enough to take one of Bill's deals again.

I remember something else too. A little section of time where I was myself again. I found my family amongst everyone else. I remember Dipper and Mabel hugging me, Soos looking over my wounds, Wendy giving me a curt nod, and Stanly calling me a hero. None of them took notice to my changed eyes. I should have talked to them more about it.

Suddenly, I wasn't in control anymore. Something else was rearing its head, the same thing that had forced Bill into chains. But this time it was after my family.

I remember striking out at Mabel first. Dipper pulled her out of the way in time, and the scared looks on their faces made me ask myself what I was doing. I didn't reply. I tackled Stanly, punching anyone who tried to get between us. I believe I knocked out a few teeth on everyone but the younger twins with that.

I remember Stanly asking me why I was doing it. He thought that we had worked everything out between us, or that we were at least on our way. I remember I laughed in his face, asking him if he really thought that I could forgive him after what he'd done. It's funny, I don't remember now what he did,

I stood up, stood over him. I concentrated, hard, on him burning to death. I will always remember his screams as he thrashed in a burning fire no one else could see. Soon, he was silent, and all I did was laugh. How, how did I just laugh?

The others are a blur. I remember scared faces, random scream, begs for forgiveness, pleas for answers, and I remember I did nothing but laugh in their faces. The last one, the last thing I got rid of was Bill. He tried his best to fight me, and it went on for a while, but I still won. I still struck him down as I'd hoped to do for so long.

But it didn't mean the same thing as before.

The news blamed it on a forest fire that happened in the night. Supposedly, the entire town burned down before anyone could wake up. A stupid story, I know, but it was the only thing they could think of that could have possibly been an answer. I know the truth.

It was a monster.

As soon as Bill had fallen, I was myself again. I remember, much clearer than the other memories, walking through the rubble of the town I loved, the town I destroyed. I remember calling for my family and getting no answer. The only evidence I found that they were even there was a charred hat with a blue pine tree on it.

I still have it. As a reminder of what I did, of what I am. They tried to take it from me, just like they took everything else, but I wouldn't let them. I need it, it's all I have left of them.

I'm not insane like everyone thinks. This really happened, you have to believe me, right? You believe me, don't you? Please tell me you do! They can't have died in vain! Don't stand up, don't leave! Where are you going?

I'm no lost cause, I'm not even insane! You have to believe me, please! No! No...

I'm sorry Dipper. And Mabel. And you too Stanly. Especially you. I know you're dead, and I know you can't hear me, but know that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

i