To Phae From Ran

Still just a letter

Phae,

First of all, I would like to thank you for actually reading this. I want this to be a quick note but it probably won't be. Now that that is out of the way, I can finally start this letter.

I would really like to be fearless and say with confidence that I have a crush on you. But sadly, that cannot be. I already wimped out on telling you face-to-face. I'm only writing this down because I just didn't want you to leave without knowing that I have a crush on you. At first, like all the crushes everyone has had, I didn't know why I have a crush on you. But now I do(it sounds so cliché, my God). You literally fit the bill. Cute, Smart, Knows a lot about my likes, EMO TRASH, and slightly shorter than me. (Trust me, it was also weird when I put two and two together when I tried to find similarities between all my crushes.) I was already captivated before I even realized it.

Here, have some other things that I noticed and are also a part of the reason why I like you: you're really awkward, the way your smile always tilts to the right(a lopsided grin? Also, remember that time when I suddenly asked you to smile? Yep.), your lisp(the cute way your s is a sh instead.), you can sing, you can even play the fucking guitar, the way you always seem to talk too fast, the way you have jerky aborted movements that make you look like a zombie(no offence. It may also be because you just have your mouth open most of the time. It really takes time for you to wave back, you just had your mouth open while looking at me. Plus!! One of my friends said I was right, you do look like R from warm bodies.), you use your hands to explain things, when you drop what you were doing to just wave hi in front of me instead of just waving from your past post(you were tying your shoelaces then and talking with Isabel), the list just goes on and on.

Do know that I'm only confessing because I cannot bear not to tell you and not because I'm aiming for anything high. What you will do with the information that I gave you is up to you. I will not be mad with whatever your decision is. Unless, of course, you post it online, give it to someone else to look at, use it as blackmail material, etc.

I would also like to say sorry about prom. I didn't send out five people to tell you to dance with me. They just did. I asked them not to call you too. That's why I always had a sour look on my face whenever you saw me. I think, that sent signals already. And the fact that I told you then how I would feel whenever I would see my "crush". Palpitating is not a good feeling, let me tell you. But I was too happy to care then, anyways.

There are things that I remember that I'm not entirely sure wether it's a good idea or not to put those things in this letter. Like the fact that whenever I would reveal to one of my friends who my crush is, who you are, they would always say that we look good together (I don't know why though). Or they would "help" me with...this? An end goal, which is what? Getting us together? I think that's what they think. You already have another in your heart, I'm sure. Someone better, someone who's more of your type, someone who's not me(much drama). But really, I don't know what to think. I might've been hallucinating things but when you said that you saw me when you were with your crush in the cinema. It was like that hitch in your voice is trying to tell me something. What did you think I would do if I saw you? Realistically, I would've probably waved at you. Worst case scenario is that I would talk to you and introduce you to my best friend and you'll introduce me to your crush. I also remember when you stomped into the library, pouting. You were so cute. Then you suddenly smiled, jumped up and down in happiness and sang. Even cuter!! I still don't know what made you so happy. And I'm curious as to what would flip your mood that fast. The time in Chowking with Jom and Cris. Every game we had in chess in which most are either unfinished or I would win. This is also a mystery to me, how did I ever beat you?

By the way, since I posted my story, Alt + Universe, which was inspired by your story, I would like to thank you. Thank you for giving me inspiration and making me think deeper about my story more than the unfairness of the world, meaningless tortures, sacrifices and murders, and bitter betrayal by those you love. Thank you for introducing me to Sleeping At Last, I cried a lot because of their songs. Most of what I write in the story is inspired by their songs. Thank you for being you. I sincerely hope this isn't too long. Thanks for reading my supposedly emotional letter. I sincerely wish that you have good luck in your life. May you find love and happiness, get through all the pains in life with a kind soul and please always remember that you can ask people for advice, a shoulder to lean on and support. You may contact me if you need any of those.

Sincerely yours,
Ran