Chapter 1
It was mid-July and the sun was just beginning to set as I packed my single duffel bag into my 1999-year SUV and climbed" into the front seat. My mother had gotten off work fifty-five minutes ago and I had no idea how long it would take her to get home today. I had limited time to get out of the house, and now I had to pray that I wouldn't coincidentally drive past her on her commute home from work as I fled the city, hopefully never too return.
I pulled my hood over my head and clicked the key into the ignition, pulling out of the driveway and taking one last look at my former home. I lived there with my mother, sister, and brother for twelve years. We moved here from Wisconsin when I was nine years old, and we lived here happily until recently. Ever since college began, my life started spinning out of control. Everything that could've possibly went wrong began happening. I made too many mistakes to count and lost the respect of everyone I cared for. I was ruined. Everything was ruined.
Once the image of my old home imprinted itself into my memory, I sped off down the street, making several left and right turns until I was eventually on the highway. My mother's place of work was in the opposite direction, so I took that as my cue to pull down my hood, shaking out my long, wavy hair. My first stop was a gas station outside the city. I needed to fill up my tank, but I also had another task on my mind.
I cranked up the radio to drown out my thoughts, my vehicle pulsing with my favourite song. I couldn't find it in my heart to sing along. The highway was dead at that time of the evening as I turned off a right-hand exit to a gas station-slash-pit stop. I parked myself in front of a pump station and positioned the pump inside my gas tank so that it wouldn't pop out like it used to before I learned the trick to keeping it steady throughout the whole fill.
"Watch my meter, 'kay?" I asked the pump tender who was leaned up against an empty station, chewing on a tooth pick. I noticed I was the only car at the pit stop.
The bells clinked against each other as I opened the gas station door and I made a beeline to the snack section. I snatched a bag of peanuts, a Gatorade, and a Kit Kat bar before grabbing a pair of scissors from the utility aisle.
"Heading on a road trip?" the cashier chuckled as he scanned my items.
"I guess you could say that," I muttered, paying in exact cash. I had emptied nearly my entire chequing account into cash so that my purchases could not be traced.
I shoved my snacks into my hoodie pockets and with the scissors and Gatorade in hand and speed-walked into the bathroom.
"Do I need a key for the bathroom?" I shouted at the cashier from the back of the store.
"As long as its unoccupied it should be unlocked," he replied.
I rattled the doorknob and after a forceful shove, the cashier was right, the door creaked slowly open. I slammed the door behind me and locked it with a click.
I stared long and hard at myself in the stained bathroom mirror. My shoes made a patting sound against the concrete floor as I got closer, leaning my elbows against the steel sink.
My green eyes were no longer vibrant and full of life. They were dead and empty. My cheeks were white and sallow. My skin clung to my skull like it was holding on for dear life. My legs looked disgustingly thin in my dark grey jeans. I needed to get out of here. I needed out of this city, and even more desperately, I needed to get away from all the people I had come to known. I needed change more than I needed air in my lungs. It was time.
I took the scissors out if their package and tied my hair in a low ponytail at the nape of my neck. I pulled the ponytail over my shoulder and took deep breaths. I bit down on my lip until I tasted blood, and positioned the scissors open, the blades against my thick locks.
I closed my eyes, and closed my hand, and blades closing together and a sudden weight dropped from my head. I opened my eyes, and slowly looked down at the ground where a foot and a half of my hair lay on the dirty concrete ground. My heart began pounding and I felt out of breath. Had I really just done that? Had I really just cut three quarters of my own hair off in a pit stop restroom? I squeezed my eyes shut, and reopened them. Yes, yes I had.
My new hair fanned out around my face, the tips brushing up against my shoulders. I looked different. I felt different. I was different.
I smiled at myself in the mirror and I ran my hands through my hair for the first time. It bounced right back into place and I giggled a little bit. My cheeks suddenly seemed slightly pinker; my eyes a little greener.
I left the scissors in the sink for the owners of the gas station to do whatever they please with them, and I opened the door. Right as I was about to step out, I froze in my tracks. I did what I had done all throughout high school to hide whatever I was doing in the restroom and make it seem like I was actually using the toilet. I flushed the toilet and ran the sink for a few seconds before exiting the bathroom and hurrying out the door.
"Have a great day," called out the cashier, and I didn't reply. I ran my hands through my hair again before pulling my hood up.
The bells dinged again as I exited the pit stop before climbing into my car. I say in my car, pretending to look for my wallet before the gas station tender went inside for either a bathroom break, or to go and chat with his coworker. I didn't care what he was doing inside; the second the door shut behind him and I heard the ring of the bells, I put my car into drive and I sped off without looking back in the rear view mirror. This would be my last ever time stealing gas. That wasn't me anymore.
At this point, I wasn't anything. I was no longer the girl I used to be; I wasn't yet the girl I wanted to be. I was on my way to build myself a whole new life, and I couldn't wait.
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thanks for reading my first ever fanfic! the boys will be appearing in the next chapter so yes, it is a fanfic. thanks for reading and give it a vote if you likes it :)
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