bulletproof love

two

that night went so slow yet too fast. i couldn't believe i only saw how amazing her body was until now, while my hands freely explore it. i wanted more of her, which at the time, i couldn't have. falling asleep next to her and tangled in her body was one of the best things i had ever felt. for the first time i actually felt like i belonged somewhere and that my mind and body can finally be at peace. i didn't know then, but that feeling was love. i had been in this position with other people. but it felt dull, emotionless, just like two pieces of skin touching. there was just no passion, no love. but this was crazy; to feel all these strong feelings for your best friend? now as i look back, i don't see anything wrong with it compared to what i was feeling then. why wouldn't i feel connected and attracted to the person who knows me inside and out, the person that i can trust and share anything with?

i fell asleep that night in the comfort and safety of her arms with millions of thoughts running through my head. i was so glad that i could finally express how i really felt however me being an anxious shit, i was worrying whether she wanted that or was just doing it for the sake of pleasing me. i still have those thoughts now, even it being months and months since that night. i still feel like she is too good for me and i wonder what i did to deserve this wonder in my life. perhaps i'll never find out.  or perhaps i just need this person in my life for a reason that i have not yet come to. i have nights that i wished she was there holding me, comforting me or just physically being there for me. i might not get one of those nights again. but i might get one hundred nights just like that soon, who knows?

i guess that you have come to the conclusion that she is no longer in my life, which many of my friends/family have assumed. but no. sure i do have other people that i can talk to and let my thoughts and feeling out but it will never be as comforting as having her listen to me. sure there are people who like the same things but we have a true connection and that can never be replaced with anyone. people think it is just that simple to erase someone from your life that has had such a great impact on you. but the mark she left on me will never leave nor will it fade because i believe that love should be able to conquer all, no matter what gets in the way and we will have our happy ending together in the end, once we get through all the struggles and the pain. 

a/n 

still short but cute :)

love your emo mosquito, layne x