The Girl Who Never Existed.

The world where I used to live

"When I was a child, I never saw flowers, neither in books or in reality. But my mom kept on describing them to me every single night before going to sleep, so I only saw a flower fitting my mother's descriptions in my imagination. It was a wonderful flower that I planted in my heart, watched blooming every single night, because time after time, mom's descriptions were taking more and more place.

I am a blind person that used to see nothing at all.

But now, I have my flower.

It is a flower that will never die and a flower that will keep on blooming ad infinitum.

It is also the flower I gave to my mother for her death ceremony.

I am John and I am 9 years old.

My flower isn't there anymore, I can't find it, I want it. But my flower is gone... I think that mom finally received it.

That was all what I was waiting for during all the miserable time that I had to keep on living without my mother.

My mom was the water to my flower and I was the water can.

Both of us were strong because my flower and I went on living together, so we weren't in need of the water anymore.

The water became really important to us, but not necessary.

My flower and I moved on not just thanks to the fact of us being next to each other but also because we made a new friend.

That friend was the earth. We were able to stay strong and not fall apart all thanks to him.

Earth was there from the very beginning, but we never noticed him because our world had a rule : there is no place in my heart for more than two people, but I was the exception of that rule because I was the one who made that world.

Without water, Earth became more and more firm and impossible to live over him.

Earth didn't have a choice because loved us so much to the point where he gave up his life for the sake of ours.

Earth transformed to little pieces, so little that you couldn't see them any more, but we knew that it was there, among the air, our new friend.

But like I said, my world can't accept more than two living beings. And now there were the flower, the air, the earth in the air and me.

Slowly, my world was ravaging. Slowly, it was going away, it was going to disappear and even me, the creator of this world, couldn't do anything.

And so one night, the flower had gone.

I was so sad because unlike the water, it was impossible for me to live without the flower since I needed it.

My flower is gone.

I want it to be next to my mother. I want it to be there because I searched everywhere and that is the last place that remains.

I want my flower back.

I want my water back.

I want my life back.

I want to live again, live on nights and dream on days. My world never knew the sun nor the moon, it was always dark and we didn't need any useless thing like "sight".

For me, it was another exception because it is impossible for a creator to not know what he created.

I am now all alone. Even if I have the earth and the air in my world, there is nothing in my heart.

In fact my world was my heart, and my heart was my world, and now it's not the case anymore.

Earth is here for me, air is here too, but they are in my world and not in my heart anymore.

Forgive me Anna, my ravaged earth, which beauty couldn't be seen unless with my heart.

Forgive me Fiona, dear bigger sister, you were always there for all of us but just like the air, you didn't have a presence because you were trapped in my world and couldn't have gone anyway."

This was the writing which John gave to his teacher when she asked him to express his love for something or someone but, she didn't accept it and I don't understand why to this day.

He was clearly expressing his love for his dear flower, so could it be that she didn't understand his confession ?

– Well, I think it is a good writing, but I was asking you if you had any relationship with the murder. And please Mr John, stop referring to yourself with a "he".