Possible Trigger Warning??
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Two years, seven months and twelve days of myself; my ming, thoughts, breaths, moments and memories all wasted on that one guy whose worth nothing.
Every waking moment of mine revolves around him, while I mean nothing. He just ignored me like I fucking meant nothing... And that's probably because that's exactly what I mean... Nothing.
I am nothing.
And ge is everything.
He is unfortunately what the past two years, seven months and twelve days of my life I have been breathing for.
And I feel so fucking used and consumed. Like the last of his weed he just smoked; breathed er in, had some fun, then blew er out into the cold fucking night's air.
All his promises, just shredded to pieces in seconds.
All of his beauty just ripped away.
Now he's no longer that perfect boy, the one whose every moment controlled me. But he's now the liar, the heart shredder and the abuser. The abuser of my fucking emotions. Just using me for the summer for someone to talk to.
For someone to fucking use.
I used to dream about him getting hit by a fucking transport truck, and myself just being destroyed because of it. Well, he isn't dead, but I'm still ruined.
I'm destoryed.
Unable to love another human being because I'm captivated by him. He ruined me. He fucking showed up and destroyed me.
Totaled me beyond fucking repair.
Now I'm unable to be happy with another because he's still on my mind.
And now the anger outweighs the saddness. And fucking angry I am.
So what's a girl to do? Now all there's left to do is to somehow forget, move on and pretend he doesn't exist. Just shut myself in, become closed and hard to read.
And in three months time, when I work with him, I'll just have to be a bitch.
Don't roll my eyes at him, no I don't want bad blood; but keep the love eyes that we used to share to a minimum. Say hi without making eye contact, with a bored tone, not a venomous one.
Although making him feel bad would be fun.
Now I just wish I knew why. I wish I knew what he thinks of me, speaks of me whn asked.
Now, all of this, seeing him driving adound...
Has me wishing to be fucking hit and killed by him n' his fucking silver sunfire, so that he can put me out of the misery I have,
All caused by him.
