Stay Strong for Me (Austin Mahone Love Story / Fan Fiction)

Chapter 27: I need to be there for him, and I can't do that with a blade...

*A/N: Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes, didn't really have time to edit this.*

Chapter 27: I need to be there for him, and I can’t do that with a blade holding me back~

“Sarah, p-please, just g-go away,” I stuttered.

“The hell I will,” she responded sarcastically as she opened the bathroom door, stepping inside and shutting it behind her.

As soon as she entered the bathroom, I instinctively grabbed the box cutter, holding it behind my back, attempting to hide it along with the old scars currently exposed on my wrist.

“Don’t even bother, Court. I already know,” she said almost casually.

Although I was still skeptical, I slowly put down the box cutter and faced her hesitantly. She showed almost no emotion, almost like she was used to this type of situation. How could she possibly know my secret? How is she so calm? Why isn’t she pissed at me, screaming at me for doing this to myself?

Replying to her I only managed to choke out, “H-How?”

Ignoring my question, she gently tried to grab my left hand but I quickly jerked it away. She looked into my eyes, pleading, “Courtney, please.”

Although I didn’t understand her motive for wanting to see the angry marks across my wrist, I gave in, letting her take my arm. She looked down at wrist, giving it her complete attention. It was almost like she was examining it.

“These are old,” she stated.

I nodded still unsure of what she was getting at, “Yeah. I-I haven’t cut in a while.”

Although it was clear Sarah already knew of my self-harm, I still felt uncomfortable saying it out loud like that. I wasn’t used to admitting it to people. I’ve only ever told Austin.

Still looking down at my wrist she spoke, “They’re fading. They’re almost gone.”

I nodded once again, getting a little annoyed that she’s just repeating facts I already knew.

She looked up to meet our eyes, “So why would you want more?”

Because I miss the beautiful scars. I miss the pain. I miss the way it would make me forget about everything for a few moments. I miss being numb.

“I don’t know.”

Her eyes remained attached to mine and I was starting to feel even more uncomfortable. For some reason, I felt like she saw behind my words, reading my insane thoughts.

She sighed, “I won’t tell you not to hurt yourself because I know it wouldn’t stop you. But I will tell you that it’s pointless. Nothing is worth harming yourself.”

Honestly, I wasn’t mad at Sarah at all. It’s just that earlier today while Austin was here I was holding back, fighting a breakdown I knew was moments away. Right now, I couldn’t hold back any longer and Sarah just happened to be the only person here who I could flip out on. This was my long overdue breakdown.

“You don’t know what it’s like! You don’t know what it’s like to feel so pathetic that you feel the need to physically harm yourself to get some sort of relief. You don’t know what it’s like sitting in front of a mirror picking out every single flaw that makes you hate yourself. You don’t know what it’s like to have the people you love taken away from you. You don’t know what it’s like wishing you didn’t wake up every morning. You don’t know what it’s like having to keep it a secret. You don’t know what it feels like to lie to the people who love you when they ask if you’re ok. You don’t know what it’s like to always hide what you feel because you think if you spoke up people would think you were insane. You don’t know what it feels like to never be happy. You don’t know! You just don’t know!” I screamed, tears shamelessly pouring down my face.