We never promised each other much. We were different in many ways but that didn't change how worth it was to go through it or how much I care for you. People who'd listen are hard to come by. I know this because I've always been alone and left to pointlessly listen to my own head. Until you came along and gave me a shoulder to lean on.
All I can say that the day I met you, my optimism arose. Through hard times you'd often say that we'd make it despite the fact that we were falling apart. You'd always say that in the little moments when we'd lie there trying to make it seem like we had all the time in the world. Our conversations like a game of chess. Back and forth, but moving each piece ever so slowly just to make it last. Never taking the piece, it was more of just moving them for the sake of moving them.
So when the game ends, how do we begin again? Do we just set up the pieces exactly the same? Mimic how it was before? Change the paths? Or just give up?
As I stand here looking to you for answers, I'm stuck choosing which path to go through. I want to speak but you deserve my attention. I'm ready to listen. Ready for all the bad you want to say. I know it's all my fault.
My pessimism always gets the best of me. I don't mean to ruin everyone's day. Hell, I don't even mean to forget the good. The good memories and times are hard to appreciate when I only see the bad. I think maybe that's why I've gotten this far. You understand how hard it is to focus on the good.
You were truly worth all the sleepless night of having you etched in my head. Worth all the aches and pains as my heart grew hungry for you. You worth it all.
In my head I've been making a picture to symbolize everything we've been through. Like you, it's etched into my thoughts. Along with the doubts of the future.
Maybe we weren't meant to last. Maybe we were supposed to be that cliché one year sitcom couple. Maybe I'm just overthinking this. Maybe we will make it though this. We've managed to find great things within each other's flaws. We made a promise of forever to each other.
Yet we act like we enjoy the lonely moments. Restraining ourselves form the truth just to prove a point. I can't deny that I miss you but my head keeps pushing me to walk away. Yet my heart beats to come closer to you.
Coming closer would just make me realize how much I truly miss you.
Everything I am is a prisoner to this pain and it won't be free until I make a choice. I knew this was going to happen. All things always end. Some ending just lead to more beginnings. History is like glue keeping us together but change has been more of a tether pulling us away.
I will always want to kiss you, hold you, or even do that thing you always love. It will always make me smile when even thinking that. And that's important to someone like me, who has spent most their lives forgotten and shattered.
I'll always keep your side of the bed empty for the moment when you walk in and say you miss me too.
I stand here in front of you remembering the fact that I miss you. Remembering our little promise. I standing at your damn grave telling myself we're going to get through this. I'm speaking to myself more than I should be.
Still, I'll always remember our only promise.
