At 2am I sit in bed, alone.
My mind spins and I am surrounded by terrible thoughts.
It feels as if my lights are on, but I am not home.
I am not myself.
My real self is a strong, happy, young woman.
Or at least that's what they tell me.
I'm "well adjusted".
I understand things others my age do not.
I'm "mature".
But what if that's not who I really am?
What if I sit in bed at night and voices that are not mine take over my thoughts?
What if I cry over small things when I am alone because I don't have the courage to cry over the big things?
What if I fantasize about death, drugs, sex, and other improper things?
What if I could care less if you like me?
What if I care a lot?
I have no idea who I am.
I realise it does not matter. Nothing matters.
Away. Just for a little while, I need to be anywhere but here.
So I leave.
My thoughts stay behind me.
The night provides a clean slate and mind numbing quiet.
I sit in a Big open field, far from the warmth of my bedroom, and light up.
The lighter burns so bright,
so hot, and for so long.
Smoke rises and disappears into the night sky.
Why worry. Everything will be alright eventually.
High and happy.
I return home just as dawn paints its self in bright colours across the sky.
I lay my head down to sleep, and soon enough will have to wake up.
I'll put on a smile and take on another day.
Until tonight that is,
when I am home alone,
In the dark,
Where no one can see me,
and I am finally free to fall apart once again.
YOU ARE READING
A Glance Into My Mind
ŞiirPoetry i have written at the proverbial best of times, and worst of times. This should give all who care a small but enticing look into the mind of one depressed and wistful sophmore.
