The Other Gilbert

I Can't Control Myself

I moan at the satisfying taste running past my lips and into my stomach. With each bite I take, I hate myself even more. I groan at the red stain I didn't notice I dropped on Damon's clean t-shirt, he's not going to be happy when he gets off the phone. It's not my fault he thought the only snack that would calm my nerves would be jelly filled donuts.

"That was Ric." I jump and squirt the jelly filled donut on myself again. I stare at Damon with my best innocent look, he just raises an eyebrow in my direction. "He's going to be back with some more clothes Elena has for you."

"I'm surprised Elena herself isn't trying to make an appearance, why not just bring it all? I'm practically living here?"

"Oh believe me she was trying, that's for her to decide." He says.

"She tell anyone else about me yet?" I ask, ignoring the clothing topic. It has been a whole week since what had happened with Klaus and I'm curious to know what story they've made up about my disappearance.

He shook his head, "No idea. It'd be a safe bet to say if she did, blonde would come barging through the door demanding my head."

Blonde? "Are you talking about Matt?" Just thinking about Matt scares me. I've become something he hates so dearly, what if he hates me? I shudder at the thought of Matt hating me with the same amount of hatred he holds for Stefan and Damon.

He nod's his head and takes a sip from his bourbon. "You know after everything, I didn't expect you to be this calm." He says eyeing me suspiciously.

I glare at him, how dare he. I'm trying to be calm here, I am munching on the stupid donuts and I am wearing Damon's shirt to substitute for my blood clothing. "You think this is easy Damon? Not by a long shot but if I was freaking out like I was the last night, it would have just made things worse for everyone. So can we just act like everything is norm-" I cry out from the fire burning feeling coming from my arm, the light burned my skin.

"So much for normal." He salutes me and takes a sip from his bourbon. My glare turns into a frown when he pulls out a blood bag from his back pocket and tosses it over to me. I catch it swiftly and stare at the warm bag in my hands. I can see my reflection from the glass case holding Damon's alcohol and I don't like what I see. I've seen it plenty of times on Damon's face, Stefan's, hell even on Caroline. The way the veins around my eyes became visible frightened me and the sudden urge to just rip up the bag and basically raid the fridge downstairs was trying to take over. I've only had small sips in a cup but never did he give me the full bag. "It's to calm down the sudden urges, I need to figure out a way to keep you from chewing on every person you see." Usually I would find a way to give him some snarky comment but I accept his offering, anything is better than going after the living. I've witnessed some things with Stefan and Klaus when it came to hybrids going crazy without blood, I have a pretty good hunch that the same thing goes for any regular vampire. I may be blood lusting but I am not going to risk the lives of others. I made that clear to myself. To Damon.

So I take it, and drown down the thick blood in a couple of seconds. I hold back the moan that was trying to escape, god that was satisfying. So much more than the donuts Damon brought me, but I don't want to admit it. "It's alright for you to like it, yah know."

"This isn't me." I can't bring myself to look at Damon.

"It is now."

He's right though, no matter how much I want to go back in time and change things, I can't. Why are we living in a world with Vampire, Wolves and Hybrids but time travel isn't a thing?

"How am I gonna go to school?" Clearly if I can't be around Alaric and Elena for a couple seconds, I'm sure I can't be around hundreds of others. I'll be stuck with 30 to 40 kids for an hour and thirty minutes, something is bound to happen to me.