Bruised and Scarred.

Damned If I Do Ya (Damned If I Don't)

“What was that Jessa?”

“What was what?” I answered with a question, obviously avoiding the question by looking down and fidgeting with my shirt. Niall wasn’t having any of my nonsense right now and placed his hand under my chin bringing my face up to look him in the eyes.

“The kiss”

He let go of my face and I continued to fidget.

“Well umm…you said to prove that I wouldn’t overdose. So I proved it” I said like it was something he could figure out. He sat beside me and sighed. “What does that supposed to mean?”

“I know as much as you do”

He nearly snapped.

“Jessa, you know what you’re thinking about. You know why you kissed me. Why can’t you tell me why?”

“Because it wasn’t supposed to happen Niall!” I exclaimed, standing up and facing him.

“I wasn’t supposed to do that. I acted instead of thinking. Now look where that got us? Trapped in my room talking about how I kissed you for no damn reason when I know the real reason, but there’s no way in hell I’m about to tell you it. I won’t tell any of the guys either just so you can’t ask them. Ok? I do know why I kissed you and I’m afraid to share it because I don’t want hate from your fans, and I don’t want this to ruin our friendship if you didn’t feel the same way”

I pretty much lost track of what I was saying and started banging on the door asking Harry to let me out. When the door didn’t open I fell back against it and slouched down to the floor. I started crying into my shirt while Niall stood up and walked over to me. I was full on sobbing like I did when I watched The Notebook. I felt pathetic to be crying like this over him and in front of him. “Hey, hey, shh it’s ok”

“No it’s not, because now I just blurted everything and I just don’t even know anymore”

He sat down next to me and held me like he did when my dad barged in at the hospital. Not that I wanted to remember the event of only a day ago, but the way he held me then and now both calmed me down and made me feel like there was nothing else in the world, but the two of us.

“Jessa, you having said that couldn’t possibly destroy our friendship if the feeling is mutual”

My eyes nearly fell out from how huge they grew at that statement. I kind of wanted to jump up and down in a bouncy castle full of glitter and stuffed animals. It’s just the next thing I knew he was returning the favor and kissing me. It was mesmerizing and thrilling enough to last for a life time. The sad thing is he looked so happy when we pulled apart. He just didn’t know that I found a way to replace cutting.

~

The next day I had to haul five idiots around to interviews and such before their concert, the beginning to their European part of the tour. What Niall didn’t know didn’t hurt him, right? Despite my injuries I was still allowed to come back to work as long as I wasn’t the one pushing fans back and that I wasn’t the one putting myself at risk to making my injuries worse. That and we didn’t know anyone who could have possibly stayed back with me. So as I herded the five boys past the crowd and into the radio station I focused on getting all five of them inside and away from the prying fangirls who only want to jump their bones and afterwards marry them and have babies. They’re gorgeous so who wouldn’t.

That brings us to the interview. It started off like any normal interview asking about the upcoming tour, what the fans are like, how they were formed, yadi yadi yada. The question that caught my attention was when the interviewer asked, “Niall, who is the girl that is with you guys all the time? At the shows, at interviews, and just about every place that you guys have to go?”