The Downfall | A Sidemen AU |

jj

Trigger warning: Heavy mentions of domestic violence/abuse. Strong language.

Song: Good Enough by Little Mix

JJ's POV

Useless. That's what she called me before she left me laying on the cold tile floor of her flat, blood dripping from my nose and ribs aching. A wave of nausea unexpectedly hits me and I vomit all over myself and on the floor. I let out a low groan and force my body to get up. I stumble over to the kitchen that's never clean and grab a wet rag. Leaving the mess of vomit mixed with blood on the floor would get me another beating but twice as bad.

After cleaning the floor, I wipe the blood off of my face and I sit on her couch. I should leave her apartment, knowing that she always goes to a club and hooks up with another man. I don't know why I don't just leave her for good. I mean, I love her but she doesn't love me back, and that, my friend, is one of the most painful things to experience.

I know, It's sick. I shouldn't be in love with the person who verbally and physically abuses me.

The pain is a wake up call to me, though. It's letting me know that I need to be better to please the one that I love. I need to be better for her or even my friends to accept me as a human.

I decide to leave her house but I don't go home. Instead, I go to Tobi's flat. It's more efficient because he lives in the same complex and I haven't seen Tobi in a while so it would be nice to see him. I haven't really seen any of the others in a while. I'm always isolating myself because I'm scared that they will see all my bruises. They cant know about my girlfriend, Rachel, abusing me because I love her and honestly, I'm terrified of her.

I go in the elevator and go up to Tobi's floor. I don't think I look too bad from my beating early and I don't even think Tobi will notice because I noticed he has been more shy than usual. 

Once I get to his floor, I walk down the hallway until I reach his flat. I knock on the door softly.

It takes a while before he actually answers the door, but when he does, he doesnt make eye contact. His eyes are focused on the wall behind me. I don't mind. I would rather him not stare at my bruised face.

"Hey, JJ," he says quietly and moves out of the way so I can walk in. Once I'm inside his flat, I notice how much furniture and moving boxes are scattered around. Last time I was here, it was empty because he was just moving in and barely had anything.

"Where'd you get all the furniture?" I ask as I sit down on the small black sofa by the big windows that allows you to see the whole city.

He sits down next to me and pauses for a moment while he gets lost in his thoughts. He then replies, "Mum and dad are... getting rid of some things."

"Oh," I say quietly. He still isn't making eye contact.

"How are the others," he changes the subject.

"I haven't seen any of them in so long," I sigh, "and I feel really bad, too."

"Me too. I saw Ethan yesterday but he wasn't in the sociable mood he is usually in," he explains. He makes eye contact with me and he scans my face. I bet he can see my bruises and the after effects of my bloody nose. He looks confused but shakes his head and turns away. He clearly doesn't want to bring it up and I mentally thank him.

"Things just seem so different now," he mutters.

I'm about to reply but my phone goes off in my pocket. I take my phone out and it's a text from Rachel.

From: Rachel

where r u????!!!!!! u better be back here within the next 5 mins.

I gulp and stand up quickly. Tobi looks at me with a questioning look.

"I gotta go, man. Talk to you soon," I tell him before running out of his flat.

I go as fast as I can to get to the elevator and I rapidly push the down button several times.

Once I reach her flat, I knock on the door and I hear loud footsteps coming towards the door. It swings open and I'm met with an angry Rachel. Her blonde hair looks ruffled and wavy and her blue eyes look dark and scary.

"Where were you, bitch," she spits at me and drags me into the apartment.

"I went to Tobi's flat to say hi to him," I reply shakily.

"What? Are your dumb friends more important than your girlfriend?" She yells at me as she throws me on the floor. The flat reeks of alcohol, she is definitely drunk.

"Sorry, I just-" I get cut off with her kicking me in my ribs. They are still sensitive from the beating I received earlier. I guess I was wrong. She didn't come back with another man but she did come back with an attitude.

I can feel tears streaming down my face as pain ripples through my body. More kicks are directed at my chest and stomach.

The pain comes with insults.

Bitch

Ugly

Fat

Unwanted

Worthless

I don't understand why I'm receiving this. I had done nothing. I had only fallen in love and this is what I get.

But I wont let myself believe anything she tells me.

I am useless, but only in her eyes.