Chapter Two
In life, we always have two choices. Ang magpaloko o ang manloko. Magpagod o magpakasaya. Mahirapan o masiyahan. Magmahal o hindi. Piliin kung anong gusto o kung ano ang nararapat.
But we don't choose the right ones all the time.
x
I went to the supermarket para mag-re stock ng mga pagkain sa condo ko. What I bought is mainly vegetables and snacks. Mas madalas akong kumain sa labas kaya konti lang din ang nabili ko.
I went to the cashier to pay for all this stuff nang may kumalabit sa'kin. I looked and I think I'll regret it.
It was Greg. Fuck.
I stared at him blankly, searching something for his face. I could see his sadness and pain, but why? Hindi ba siya masaya, na malaya na siya? Na, he could fuck any girl he wants? He can go to that damned girl na nabuntis nya? Na wala nang eepal na Camille sa buhay nya because he finally can do whatever he wants?
"Camille." He whispered softly, as if he's afraid I will broke down by him saying my name. Well, he did it right. Because any minute now, I could forget everything and just crash into his arms.
But no. I won't.
"What?" I asked quietly, afraid of the circumstances. I don't want to regret everything but, damn...
I missed him so much. I missed every inch of him. His face, his laugh, his eyes, his smiles, his touch, his warmth, his scent..everything. I missed the way we talk and stare at each other, the way we make love.
"Why aren't you answering my calls?" He asked, as if he's about to cry. I want to cry, too. I can't stand my Greg looking at me with those sad and gloomy eyes. My heart is pounding and crushing, my eyes became watery. I blinked and looked away.
"We're not together anymore, I can to anything I want." I simply said, clutching my bag, not answering his question. The cashier was looking at me dahil kakatapos lang niya mag-punch ng mga pinamili ko. I looked at the screen, and pretended to be very busy not minding na nagsasalita na si Greg.
"You're kidding right? No way, Camille. We're not done. We're not through."
Oh, how I wish I was.
Bakit ba kasi kailangan niya pang makabuntis ng ibang babae? We are happily perfect with each other's arm. Except he didn't felt our relationship that way. Because he cheated on me.
I sighed my pain away saka nagbayad sa cashier. Pagkatapos kong bayaran, I pushed my cart papuntang parking lot. I didn't mind Greg's shitty excuses. Ayoko na. Wala na akong paki. This isn't about my fucking pride, it's about my trust and feelings.
"Camille, answer me. We're still together, right?" He asked. I had to roll my eyes.
"Greg, would you just shut up and go away? Nasabi ko na kung ano ang dapat kong sabihin. We're done, and that's it." I said, not minding I was about to choke. I wasn't okay. I'm not. I'm not going to be.
"No, please, baby. I love you, and I know you still love me, right?" He pleaded, and I felt my heart ache. I didn't answer him though, instead I continued pushing my cart. Papunta sa kotse ko, para maka-alis na dito. Hindi ko na kasi kaya, e.
Yes, I do. I whispered to myself. But it's mine to keep and to wash away.
Hindi ako ganun kalandi at desperada para makipagbalikan sa ex kong magkaka-anak na. I'm not going to let myself to be a home-wrecking skunk. Respect is the only thing I have for myself left, dahil yung pagmamahal ko? Wala na. Ubos na.
