THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN BY KALO GRECO COPYRIGHT GOES TO HIM AMEN
The Swag bible
chapter 1.
Hello, welcome to my book. This book features a few short- but brilliant- lessons on how to have more swag. As you WILL know, I am Kalo Greco...aka "Swag master", "Swagger Pro", "Dr Swag", etc...
Since a very young age my swag suceeded normal levels. When I was born they measured my swag-beat with a Swagometer (as Midwifes do), and my swag was 100x the normal new-born swag level. The midwifes in the room got on their knees and prayed to me.
Anyone, now that I have explained I have always had more swag than you, and always will, I will help you get swag!
First off, before you start thinking swag is easy to get. You are wrong. There is many levels of swag, and many different kinds of swag. Swag is no-where-near easy to obtain. Once obtained, it must be maintained, and looked after in order for it to expand. Much like a new-born child. If you do not feed your child, and viciously beat it to death with a baseball bat, it will die. With swag, if you do maintain it, and keep being swaggy, it will die.
chapter 2.
If you read the Bible, or any other book they often talk about swag. Jesus often spoke about loving one another, and, in modern-day translation, this means helping one-another get more swag. Swag is often translated into "SECRETLY WE ARE GAY", or "SOMETHING WE ASIANS HAVE". Those two statements are COMPLETELY false. COM PLEET LEEE FAL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! Swag's real abbreviation is "Salesman with a gift", however was later updated by the Spartans and used as a cool word.
Luckily enough, being the master of Swag, I was able to interview daily-swag celebrity Hayley Swagmoneyyolo Morton. Here's what she had to say, in response to my question...
Swag Master Kalo : So you are known to have alot of swag, how did you originally obtain this swag?
Hayley Swagyolomoney: well i was born and then boom swag must have been niki minaj on the radio wen mum gave birth
Swag Master Kalo : Sounds good, and how do you maintain this swag? What exercises do you do to keep your swag levels high?
Hayley Swagyolomoney:I listen to drake regularly atleast 500 times a day then worship nicki atleast 200 times a day dont forget the ritual of 50cent
Thank you very much, Hayley, for allowing us here at YoloSwag Central to interview you.
chapter 3.
Now, before you start using swag, you must remember the "Swag rules".
1. Swag is a POSITIVE thing, you DO NOT use your swag to downgrade another person's swag- EVER. Much of the elder generation believe that swag is not at all positive, and should be removed from children at birth. Do you want your children to have no swag!? DO YOU?!
2. There are a few keywords to have swag, first off all, and probably one of the most important, "YOLO". "YOLO" Is the Abbreviation of "You Only Live Once", which is a very important saying in the religion of Swag. Another one is "Cray Cray", "Cray Cray" is an insult the swag religion. Instead of using mean words, we used the most mean word possible. If anyone ever annoys you, call the "Cray Cray", it will please the Swag-God. When speaking on facebook, after each sentence, add "tho" or "though" to the end. This is a key rule in our religion.
3. In order to stay in the Swag Religion you must often sing praise to Swag-God. You may think I am the swag god, but no. I am the Swag Pope. To sing, and connect, to the Swag-God you must sing and listen to TALENTLESS SHITTY ARTISTS such as Lil Wayne, Drake, and especially- my personal favorite- Nicki Minaj. Never sing along to a song unless it has swag, yolo, or another word that you think may please the swag god.
4. Help others! Help other people get swag, not everyone has swag, spread the word of the Swag-Bible, lets others read it and get guidance from it!
chapter 4.
This chapters followers the story of Tim. Tim had no swag. Once upon a time, Tim came accross a man. His name? Prophet Lil Wayne (swag-god bless him). Prophet Lil Wayne saw that Tim had no swag, so sneakily followed him home. He hid in his house, and saw that Tim was crying and searching all over the internet for how to get swag. Prophet Lil Wayne saw that Tim was struggling and stood behind him. Placing his hand on Tim's shoulder, he said "Tim, I can hel-....", Tim jumped up in the air. "GET AWAY FROM ME WHO ARE YOU?!?!" Tim screamed. Tim grabbed a gun, and shot Lil Wayne but Swag-god protected Prophet lil wayne. Lil Wayne and Swag God taught Tim how to have swag. Tim now lives a succesful life working at Mc Donalds and having alot of swag.
chapter 5.
Want to become a prophet in the Swag Religion? There are a few ways to make this possible. First off, how Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj did it. Make someone else write TERRIBLE songs about swag, then you "rap" them in an annoying voice.
Here's a song I wrote.
Yea Yea Yea Yea x2
Yolo everybody, i shoot u, dead bodies
got more swag than noddy
i buy swag and sell swag
then get more swag from selling swag
my swag is mass produced
but its original unlike you
i drink juice
swag swag swag tho
Swag-god liked that very much.
chapter 6.
Help write the Swag Bible! So far this was all written by Kalo Greco, (apart from the interview with hayley). If anyone would like to become a prophet, and get credit in the swag-bible, please message me on Facebook with your chapters for the Swag bible. We are a non profit organisation. FB.COM/NAMEISKALO
