This was easy, I questioned my sanity for the first time in my life. But I remembered that sanity is just an illusion, for the difference between insanity and sanity just lies in the number of believers.
No one would really know your mental state, no one would really truly understand how you feel within you. For only you yourself could understand, only you could feel.
As time passed, emotions and feelings fade away. Like the shadow of your former self, moving on. Moving on to a brand new life, moving on to a brand new future. Leaving behind ashes of our beloved memories, that has already been burned down to dust.
The passion and drive that once brought us together has already left, yet I am still here. Craving the day of its return, craving the day where you and I would be together again. All I could do is crave because I know in reality, there is nothing I can do to make you come back. Nothing I can do to replicate the emotions that brought us together in the first place.
I refused to let it go, I refused to release the feelings we once shared. I just refused. I remember there was just a time where only we mattered. A time where I yearn for you. Now I yearn for the days where you and I would just get stoned between the walls of my messy bedroom. The days we made love within my empty walls. The days you have long forgotten. I would never forget the time we shared, the love we had, the bond we created. It was as if, only we existed in this world. Only we were the ones living here. You and I and the White Walls of my room. You and I and the bed sheets of your home.
The days where we walked your dog along the cool and breezy lake near your home. The days we had long walks together, making silly bets. Creating ridiculous punishments for the one who lost. I remembered how we tried to use reverse psychology and mind games to trick each other just to win. Right now I could not even remember why I wanted to win, perhaps the marijuana is already in my system. I don't know and honestly I don't care. I only care if you are happy, I only care if you are feeling sad. I didn't expect you to become a huge part of me when you left, you were far more important then anything else.
You made my soul leap to heights in which I could never describe to anyone, you made my heart pound in ways, I could only crave for more. You were like a whole new world. In fact, when I was with you, we were in a whole new world. A world where my subconscious had created just for us and our soul. And when we made love. Our soul danced among the pollen of the fallen stars, glowing in the ray of the black sun. Our soul danced in ecstasy like a cocktail of drugs mixed together for one purpose. Just one purpose. To create a fantasy. A whole new reality, where I get to put the pieces of its foundation together. Something I could call mine.
You were the sharp edges of a dagger, yet I will willingly bleed in your presence. You were my inspiration to writing, you created me. You opened a side of me I would never see on my own. I thought by writing I could forget what we once had but I was wrong. I wrote my heart out, in uncountable ways. Yet my soul still bleed in your absence.
