Echoes of Silence

Chapter One

Sometimes I just start writing and to be honest I don't think about the result at the end, I let my heart work and my hands write it down. My words release my soul and that's the reason why I do this. I've never been the person who talks about feelings or emotions, I keep it all to myself and if I want to talk about I do it that way. There are days where I sit in my room all day and I write about everything what is in my mind or bothers me. The world or the people on this world do not keep the words you say to them but papers do. So a while ago I basically decided to write everything down. It's not like a diary or something. I don't do it every day, I just do it when I feel like I have to do it. And it's not like that I explain my day or write about things that happen to me, my works are written in form of poems, short stories or just in a few sentence. I don't mention names or places, I just try to use a fictional setting and atmosphere to reflect my own situation. Things happen and everyone on this world has to deal with something horrible, it's not only me or my mother. Some stories are worse than others and some people have to deal with more horrifying things than I do. Wars, poverty and starvation exist on this world so it might look unnecessary to complain about some things. But I still do and this is nothing I can control. Everyone has it's own emotional baggage and it's ok but I hate talking about it when no one actually cares about any of your words. The worst part of this is that people don't care because they're aware of the fact that people on world are dying because of starvation or wars, they don't care because they're simply egoistic. I am full of feelings. I can't show any of them. I can't move on. My focus is still on the past and I can't stop looking back. It's not like I am sad or I'm about to cry when I look back but saying I'm happy would be a lie. People say don't look back and concentrate on the future but no one thought about asking why I keep looking back. There are reasons why you can't move on properly. I opened chapters of my life and I never tried to understand them or finish them. I pushed myself forward even though I never wanted to. Small cracks in my heart keep getting bigger and are turing into hurtful wounds. It is weird that so many people including myself feel alone on this world with 7.4 Billion people. Not even the people who have been always by your side or in your life can help you because you aren't able to explain how you feel.

I sit down on the windowsill in my room and I lean my head against the cold windowpane. It is rainy outside and I love this weather. My neighbors are putting things into transporter because they're moving to Boston. Pathetic somehow, all these things and even them are getting wet but they keep working. This place can't be that bad. No one stays in Salem when Boston is right around the corner. People believe magic or mystic things happen over here but the truth is that this town is really desolate. It's definitely the wrong place for people who love action, parties and noise. But for me it is a perfect place. I love the weather, the dense forests and even the mystic part of this town. It does have a mystic touch and the houses over here look pretty old-fashioned like ours does. All these scary cemeteries, the old town and a lot of creepy places might scare people. However this town is my home and I won't leave. I think my granddad's grandfather built this house we live in and to be honest it looks like it. My mother loves it and would never leave this place, as well. Too many memories and stories that happened here. She can't move on either. My Dad died 6 years ago and I remember the day like it was yesterday. The police telling us about him jumping of a bridge, my family who come over here to take care of me and my mum, the black clothes, the atmosphere. Everything comes to my mind when I think about that day. My Mum changed and I can't blame her. All she does is working and she's basically never at home. She works for a marketing company in Boston and has actually a quite cool job but I think one day she will get really ill from working a lot. Her way of distracting is wrong in my eyes.

''Adeline! I'm home." I hear my mum screaming my full name. Everyone actually calls me Ada except my mother. She likes calling me that way because her grandmother had this name, too. She is pretty early today and I am kind of worried to be honest. I go down and I look at her. She smiles and I am happy seeing her like this. I haven't seen her smiling for while and I start wondering what the reason for her good mood is.

''So you're in a good mood?'' I say and follow her into the kitchen.

''I am.'' she replies. Her hair is wet because of the rain and it is a little wavy at the end.

''Any reason for it? Or do you keep being mysterious?" I smile at her.

''Listen Adeline! I met someone.." she takes a huge breath and I am getting dizzy because I am not ready for this. I know what she is going to say. She is dating someone, she will fall in love. I am happy for her and I am happy for her moving on slowly but I am clearly not ready for this.

''His name is Edward and he is was a reason for me being late the past weeks. I am sorry for not telling you earlier." she says and is obviously nervous. I don't know what say. My hands are playing with a fringe of the tablecloth and I can't look into her eyes. Here I am, out words and totally dizzy. A lot of thoughts are crossing my mind and I can't think properly.

''I understand'' I stutter and I fake a smile. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy for my mother? Seriously Ada? I have to fake a smile for her. I am so pitiful.

"I know it's hard for you, but we all need to move on" and there it is. The sentence I hate. The sentence I dislike to hear. The sentence which is literally killing my nerves. Oh, this sentence. I nod and leave the room.