Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
I did what I have always done, I put up a wall.
I didn't do it because I didn't want him, I did it to see if he wanted me.
I've never been good at choosing men or friends. My 'family' are equally as dreadful as them.
I have lived my entire life relying completely on only one person; myself. In life there are not many people that you can trust. I've never met a single person (yet) that hasn't betrayed me. That is why I built a wall now- I couldn't let myself get hurt by someone who would walk out of my life after destroying it even more than it was already destroyed, not again.
We had become extremely good friends over the past few months. I never realised before but he is actually a brilliant bloke.
When we got drunk together that night in the Bistro, when he was walking me home to Victoria Court, I realised exactly how much I liked him. When we kissed in the darkness of the perishing winters night; a warm, content, cheerful feeling travelled through my body. As we pulled away from each other we agreed that it was 'just the drink'; we both knew that wasn't true.
Last night was great... It was more than great.
This morning I totally ruined it. I started to panic just like I have always done. He has a girlfriend, Erica. Last night he said that he would end his relationship with her if that's what I wanted, he said that he wanted to be with me. I wanted to be with him as well. What did I ever do to deserve someone like him though?
I can't set my hopes too high, because every "Hello" ends with a "Goodbye."
