You really want to know what it feels like?It's like being in a abusive relationship. Where one minute it's spewing hateful thoughts about you and the next it's apologetically promising that if you listen to what it says you will achieve happiness, and you do it because you think it's going to get better, but reality is, it's not. You could know what all the side effects are the damage It can do but you don't care. You can know you're practically killing yourself and you won't care. Why? Because you're brainwashed. You want to achieve your goal. That goal you know you'll never achieve unless your dead. People tend to confuse anorexia with bulimia. Me? I'm bulimic, and it's not like you could bring it up in a conversation with someone. I mean yeah it's a disorder but It's not like you could say yeah I have an eating disorder, it's not the same as saying yeah having Anxiety. People will look at you differently and they will start to notice you never eat and sometimes they'll tell you "you don't look like you have an eating disorder." When people think eating disorder they think skinny, bony, lifeless, anorexia. All bulimics aren't skinny, bony, or lifeless. Maybe lifeless. Bulimics make themselves sick. They either won't eat at all or they eat until they feel like they're going to explode, and after they're done they feel guilt so much guilt that the only way they know is to throw it up so they won't feel so guilty and so regretful... but then comes the pain. That pain were you feel lightheaded all the time, that hunger, that chest pain, the hair loss, the memory loss, the guilt trips, the numbness, that pain and she won't say a word because she knows there's no way in hell you could ever stop this. There's no recovery from this. This is a lifetime and there is no going back until you're dead.
