beautiful disaster // j.s

four- shame

I tossed and turned struggling to find sleep. My eyes locked my pastel purple clock which had '2:50 a.m' plastered in bold.

My straight waist-length brown hair was tangled into a mess, my pastel pink shorts were wrinkled past the middle of my thighs, my long-sleeved short shirt was pushed up revealing my regular light tanned stomach, and one of my socks were lost in my sheets. I groaned realizing how long it'll take to find it in the morning. I stood up fixing my shirt and flattening my shorts which stood mid way to my thighs. The drawstrings to my shorts were oddly long, up to my knees. I put it into a large bow and collected my hair in my hands, trying to find a hair tie.

I let out a puff when I couldn't find one. I left my hair loose and combed it with my fingers.

I heard a loud thud from outside so I decided to go and check without realizing how much trouble I would get in if I got caught out alone in the middle of the night, but then again, my parents and Abe were really heavy sleepers and Lijah and Zeke couldn't care less about me.

I snuck down the long pale stairs and stepped into my sky blue slippers. I viewed outside as I heard another thud and decided to go outside. I knew it was dumb, but my curiosity overran my intelligence.

I turned the knob and stepped outside, I shouldn't have came outside. I should've went back to sleep. I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision and walked to the driveway. All heads turned to me, I could feel my cheeks burn up and my heartbeat fasten. I placed my head down in shame.

"What are you doing outside?" Zeke's voice was startling. "Come here." He continued.

I stood still, my head stayed low and my hair was long enough to cover half of my face. I was frozen and ashamed.

"I said come here!" He shouted, causing me to jump slightly.

I walked towards him, avoiding eye contact with Lijah, Nate, Derek, or the other one.

"Look at me." He motioned his hand.

I looked up, revealing five high or drunk guys. Smoke was filling my lungs, making it harder to breathe. I coughed and stared at Zeke. 

"Answer me now. What are you doing outside looking like a slut?" He laughed causing the others to laugh along. I heard other girls being called a slut, I didn't know the definition. All I knew was it wasn't something nice.

I could feel my cheeks burn as their laughter grew louder and my ears weren't able to take anymore in when Zeke started again.

He stood up and grasped my hands, forcing me to sit down. I didn't want to sit with these filthy people especially when I knew my choice in wardrobe wasn't that clever. I could feel eyes on me but I knew I was powerless.

I sat down in between a Nate or Derek, not being sure who was who and on my right was Zeke.

In front of me was the familiar stranger. His eyes locked into mine as the smoke in between us was crowding up. Once the smoke disappeared, I saw his piercing eyes. God they were captivating and I sure did feel captured. I felt a sting on my wrists and rubbed them which caused them to become more red.

I started getting tired and my vision began to get clouded.

"C-can I go t-to sleep?" I struggled to ask, frightened by the answer that wasn't yet revealed.

"Why are you asking me?" Zeke laughed, "Yo, Swazz? Could you take my sister inside." Zeke started and I felt like my intestines were being carved from the inside.

"Y-" Swazz was interrupted by Zeke. "Can you manage to keep your hands off of her though?" Zeke questioned with furrowed eyebrows.

"Yeah." Swazz chuckled like I couldn't hear anything.

He stood up and my eyes widened when I realized how tall he was. A sudden surge of fear rushed over me, giving me goosebumps.

He dusted green substances off of his plain white tee. He adjusted his grey sweats, I giggled lightly when I noticed his drawstrings were positioned into a large bow as well. That giggle caused him to look up, but no one else seemed to be looking, it only reached his ears. I looked at his facial features, they were really stiff. He wasn't smiling which caused me to straighten out.

He started walking into the short path that was made out of green leaved trees.

He looked back when I didn't follow.

"Do you want me to hold your hand?" 'Swazz' smirked.

I shook my head lightly, only for me to notice. I caught up with him, still one feet behind him. I didn't dare stand next to him, I didn't know what was processing through his thick skull. I didn't know if he was pure.

We walked into the house and he stood still and slowly faced me.

"You don't talk much do you?" He whispered.

I shrugged my shoulders but I doubt he saw because of how dark it was.

"Talk to me." He whimpered. "Please." He almost pleaded. "Why won't you talk, at least tell me your name." He continued.

I began walking upstairs until I realized that he was following me. I quickened my pace.

When I reached my room, I turned my florescent lamp on. He began to walk towards me and I immediately looked to the floor. Once he reached near me, he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and lifted my chin with his index finger. I glanced up at him.

"I'm John by the way." He smirked. "Jesus, it's like talking to a wall, its a one way communication." He jumped on my unmade bed, laughing.

"Pl-please." I started and my cheeks began to flare. "That's my bed." I continued.

"So, wanna join?" He scooted to the side.

I shook my head and placed it down, when is he going to leave; I pondered.

"What's up with you?" He questioned.

"I don't kn-know you, and you-your in my room, on my b-bed." I whispered.

"Okay, I'll leave." He said getting up.

He came closer to me, which made me jerk back and lose balance. His hand came to help, but I dodged it and caught myself.

"Don't be scared, I won't hurt you." He comforted.

I stood still and he found his way out the doors, and I found a way to breathe. I looked out the window when I saw Swazz exit and everyone got up and greeted each other. With that, they parted ways. Derek, Nate, and Swazz walked next door and entered. While Lijah and Zeke climbed up the roof and hopped into their room.

I quickly turned away and closed the curtain. I looked at my bed, then the clock. 4:59 a.m, well I'm not going back to sleep.