Consumed By Darkness Within

Our love was strong enough to make us blind to the world around us. We had fallen in love so fast, we did not notice the story fate was writ ting. If I could go back and change that day, I would have stopped myself before it was too late. I have always asked myself what if... What if I could write my own story, could make my life work out perfectly? This isn't any story about love, it's my story. There's no fairy tale ending or even a happily ever after. Just how two people were brought together and torn apart by their own souls. Fate gave me everything I ever dreamt of, then took it all away.

We had met at school, randomly I once thought. I was addicted to 'candy'. I was in search of a pill when I first saw Chris Smith. He was well known for drugs at the time. A friend of mine pointed across the hall at this normal looking boy. He seemed so angelic leaning against the wall, promising me everything I want. The first feature I noticed about him was an oddly over sized head. It was my favorite part about him. When we first talked, I felt so easy like I knew I could trust him. He had that affect about himself and knew how to use it. I was playing my part of all the other girls before me. Yet I had a way of controlling him in a way others have dreamt about.

Later that day I found myself at his house. A place you have to be invited to and a whole new world of adventures waiting inside. Within an hour I had found myself laying on his bed next to him, strung out. But rather doing what he seemed to always do with the girls he meets, we talked. I had never been so open to a stranger. From the very start he had a strong grip on my heart. Thinking back I wish I could have done something to change it.

We were together everyday for months. We connected without trying, as if a part of him I had known all my life. We were happily in love. No one could come between us. He gave me such a feeling of warmth, safety, and true living.  Just the site of him made my heart dance and my soul feel everlasting. I thought it would last forever...

But everyone has dark in themselves. Mine was my addiction. I had to have it. It was the only part of me he could not understand. He began to refuse me over it, starting distancing himself from myself. It just drew me closer to the end. I was trying to get rid of an invisible pain I held deep inside me. If I would have known how to stop myself before I closed off from the world, I would have started with him.

My heart was slowly breaking as I watched him slip from me. He would stay out later, be gone for days with people I was never introduced to. I knew he was cheating. I had a gut feeling that the trust I once had for him was lost in the darkness. He would just sit and watch me as I faded into my habit. There was no stopping. As I felt like my world was falling, I was becoming more and more addicted. I was slowly dying and did not know how to save myself. He was my whole world. I had nothing to turn to but a straw that was glued to my skin.

Fate brought us together and gave us the world in our hands, but when things slipped up... We just fell with it all. My life ended with the only thing I trusted then. He invited me on our last adventure. A trip to the beach. I thought it could become a new beginning.

Sometimes I wonder if it was him or myself that pushed me closer to the edge. During the day we has put on a show for his family. We laughed and played along with the fake idea that we were happy again, Yet everyone could feel how the air around us changed. At night we had pushed each other far away. He would go out and party while I had my own values at hand.

I had followed him one night. I found him wrapped in the arms of a stranger. Our love that once was everlasting had turned dark. I couldn't bare the site of seeing him like that. Lost in another woman's eyes. The truth was simple. I had lost control of myself. I turned to the only thing that I thought could make me happy. I snorted everything I could get my hands on, until I could no longer breathe clean air. Then swallowed what was left.

The moon was so bright and overwhelming. It was calling out to me. I could feel my feet walking closer to it. The water felt so warm under me. But my mind was swimming out into water, pulling me down with it. I had let the darkness consume me. Soon the moon faded and my soul was drowning. I couldn't find a way out fast enough. I watched myself become lost in the shadows.

Fate started with a love story and ended with a tragic lie. It sent me deeper and deeper into the shadows of the night. The light hides the darkness in us all, yet the emptiness never leaves. I can search forever and never find peace.