One Last Afternoon

The friends and insults

Well I wasn't exactly the person with many friends. I was more like the quiet teachers pet sitting in the front corner closest to the door. The one who never participates but is the teachers pet because they do their homework, don't talk in class, and get relatively good marks. I also have a retarded laugh that everyone makes fun of and that I hate. I also have a stupid and sick sense of humour. By sick I mean the perverted variety and the variety of things you shouldn't find funny. And stupid because I find everything no matter how lame really funny. So I was kinda going to hell. I also chose not to speak because I was also a bit slow with words.

This is something that people made fun of. Weather I was a small kid or nearly sixteen I was still bullied about it. That and the fact that I was over weight. I wasn't that fat but I  wasn't skinny like how everyone expected and wanted me to be. Being a little over weight and very tall made me basically either a freak or invisible. That's something that cause people to make fun of me. I stood out like a sore thumb and everyone knew that.

Now its hard to say that the person that said they loved me was one of the people that caused me the most grief. But no matter how hard I am still forced to say it. Jean loved me but also loved to insult me behind my back. And by behind my back I mean right in front of me, sometimes to my face, with his friends. This also stayed the same from when we were little kids until he was eighteen. Nice to know that so little changes.

One of the worst was Eugene. Eugene was a special kind of fucked up. He was mean spirited by nature and also Jean's best friend so no getting rid of him. I don't know why I am attracted to him. It was possibly the unavailability. The fact that I know he will never love me and that if I did get him he would make me hang on a dying branch waiting for it to snap. Or he'd be the noose around my neck telling me to jump. It was just that. But sometimes he was nice. I think it was those rare moments. I wanted to be the cause of some if not all of those good moments.

I almost never spoke to him because he found me annoying and the last thing I wanted to do was annoy him. I wanted to be cute and seduce him. Not make him regret waking up. Much like him his sister also found me annoying. But to her I was the amusing kind of annoying and not too badly annoying. Basically I was like her personal dog that had to lick her shoes and annoy her brother for her. She didn't do what he and Jean would do but she would laugh at the insults aimed towards my laugh and that I spoke a lot. They never missed an opportunity to put me down. Always there to comment on one of my flaws.

This fuelled my hate for him. How dare he do that to the girl he claimed to love? Insult her and never defend her. It was upsetting and pathetic. What kind of a human being does that? What kind of a man? My man does that. And that is why he must pay.

I fell asleep after being too tired from crying. My sleep was just another thing he controlled. If he went to sleep I had to as well. He claimed to go to sleep the same time as me but I knew better. He would make sure I didn't see it though by saying good morning as early as possible.

I had to go and wait in the mornings for him. Then when he finally came we would go to my locker and get my books. Break times I had to hang out with his friends even though this caused much emotional drama for me.

I was a natural flirt and most of his friends were male. So I would have to control myself or get scolded like a naughty child. These friends were no better at keeping their insults to themselves. And the female variety of his friends would hug him too long for normal in front of me.

He flirted constantly. Yet I was the untrustworthy one. He went on my phone and deleted all my male contacts. Even my cousins. This upset me but I couldn't say anything. I wouldn't want to cause trouble now would I?