The Easy Way Out

Why?!

October 4th 1999, started off as a beautiful child with a smile to bring joys to other upon my presence or so thats what my mother says, i believe shes full of it, she already knows I'm always depressed as it is. My name is Johnnie Camacho and I'm 16 1/2 years old, Dark brown hair and brown eyes. Im super thin and 5'9 for my height, since i started pre school, life was already tough enough, had to deal with other children who were rough and pushy, I'm not social just very shy, 4 years of age and kids were already messing with me and shoving me to the ground like i was some puppet for their amusement. I didn't really like the way i looked as a kid, i had a creepy smile and a face that people would want to hurt, besides being bullied when i was young i always seemed to have a smile on my face and i had no idea why, it kinda freaked me out, why was i always happy when i was being picked on?

Kindergarten Elmhurst Elementary School... Where the young and innocent go to start readying themselves for their futures ahead, i was excited, ready to learn, willing to make friends and push through for my education, so i did. I had a teacher named Mrs. Larson, she was very nice and pretty young for her old age, she had blonde curly hair and she wore glasses for reading the class stories. I was about 5 at this time and made my first friend, his name was Michael and he was really nice to me though i didn't really consider him a friend, just someone to talk to. Me and him were close and we were by each others side but since first grade when the other kids would make fun of the way i looked or how i talked he would either laugh with them or picked on me himself, "Why?" I asked, "Why would my only friend pick on me" I tried telling my parents but they didn't seem to care, my mom was always working and when she got home she was always tired and my dad was always fixing his car and busy with his friends, i did have my little sister Angelina and my big brother Gabriel but whatever i did Gabriel didn't seem to like it. Thats family love, you pick on each other from time to time but for me it actually hurt because i look up to my family but they didn't really seem to care about me, i too was some what busy or playing with my little action figures. 1st grade and my first friend turned against me and my family didn't seem to take interest in how i was. Im a child, why should anything bad happen at such a young age? I only hoped things would get better.

2nd to 5th grade.. The school work got harder and i was growing in size, my face changed and my height was boosting significantly, i made only a few acquaintances and hade my first crush. Her name was Taylor, blonde hair and blue eyes, she was pretty but he was always hanging around with other boys so i didn't even try. I could see that she liked one of them so of course i wouldn't bother and of course the person she liked was taller, bigger, and better looking then me, it was always like that, whether friends or people i wanted to be with, there was always some one else. I thought from 1st to 5th grade things would be fun and smooth but i was wrong, everyone else seemed to be having fun but me but still i had a smile on my face. Why? I never knew why that was but i just went along. In 5th grade i was running around the playground during Recess and jump off the slide trying to be cool, i ran and skipped around trying to do cartwheels to impress but i accidentally kicked a kid in face, he was tall and had black hair with bluish greenish eyes, "Oh Sorry" i said. "Watch out you stupid faggot!" He said, i was shocked to hear someone young curse, i only heard my mom and dad curse, either them or from movies and TV shows, he stomped away with an angry look and i turned to the playground and i listened and i couldn't believe what i was hearing. Kids..children cursing at one another, Fuck, Bitch, Asshole, Bastard, Faggot. I listened again and suddenly i was shoved to the dirt scraping my knee drawing a bit of blood, i turned and saw that same kid with some of his friends, they laughed and walked away while i held in tears of my sadness. Once again i only hopped things would get better, that kid knew me and he didn't like me so i hoped to god he would soon leave me alone.

Middle School.. I grew even more and my voice started cracking to puberty, i hated it but that was life, a new school.. I knew no one and it was huge in my eyes compared to anywhere else. I walked to home room and noticed something that caught my eye. It was a large kid with dark black wavy hair, he was walking with a group of other kids, laughing, telling jokes and looking around for their home room, he turned and i noticed his face. It was that same kid that shoved me in fifth grade, i turned away so that he would notice me, i looked down at my converse and my blue skinny jeans hoping that i grew a lot so that at least i wouldn't look like target practice for bullying(i was wrong). I made it to my class in Rio Del Valle middle school and the rooms were huge and packed with students, i took a seat and tried looking for someone to be friends with, everyone had someone to talk to, some students looked at me and laughed and other stared at me dead on and just looked mean so i just looked forward, i didn't know the teacher and she didn't even write her name on the board, she called our names and we each got up to get our schedule, i was not looking forward to middle school, i thought i would have made easy friends but i guess not. Later that day i saw that same mean kid and he walked up to me, "Wassup faggot!" He said with a firm low voice "Don't call me that!" I said with an angry look, "Oh yeah?!..and what the fuck you gonna do if i keep doing it?! Huh?..Faggot! He got close to my face and pushed me, i stepped back and regained my balance. "Just fuck off!" I said, "Go pick on someone else you fucking idiot!" That was the first time i cursed, i felt tough and enraged but not for long.. He punched me across the face and i fell to the floor. The other students around us stared and started oohing, i picked myself up and wiped away the blood from my lip, i ran up to him and tried punching him back bit he dodged it and socked me in the stomach, i grunted and coughed and he punched me as i fall onto the concrete while the other students laughed, there was no staff. "This school is shit" i thought and he walked up and kicked my back as i yell out "Ow" and begin to cry. He smirked and walk, no one tried to help me up and called a teacher or staff, i couldn't attend this school, i just cant, later i took the bus home and knocked on my door, my sister opened it and said "hi" to me, i replied with "hey" and set my backpack on the ground, i hurried to my room and shut the door and cried more on my bed. I was completely embarrassed and beaten up. I was furious and angry at myself for even being born only to suffer, i stepped in the kitchen and upon the top drawer which had a small cutting knife. I looked over at my sister and she was watching Spongebob, i wiped away another tear and took the knife and hid it in my pocket and shut the drawer. I walked to my room and closed the door followed with a lock. *Click* I sat on my bed and took out the knife from my pocket and held it in front of my face. I looked in the blade and saw my hideous refelction, a tear glides down my cheek and i slam my first against my pillow. I hold out my arm and touch my warm skin with the cutting edge of the knife, i grit my teeth together in my mouth and quickly slash my arm with the blade cutting open my skin as blood quickly gets exposed to the oxygen and flows from my arm as i drop the knife and cover my mouth shut and yell in my hand muffling the scream with my locked door as an addition for no one to hear my scream. I pick up a shirt and cover my bloody arm soaking some of my blood into the cotton, my tears dry and i turn on my TV while i hold my shirt to my arm. A few episodes pass and i hear knock at my door. *Knock knock* "Johnnie?" Its my mom. I jump up and through my bloody shirt behind the TV. "Yes mom?" I throw on my black hoodie and cover my arm with the sleeves. "Im making Macaroni and Cheese you want some?" She asks, "uh..no thanks" She unlocks the door by turning the key hole with her thumb and opens it looking at me..."Whats wrong?" She asks, "why are you wearing a jacket?" "Um..its cold" i say. She gives me an odd look and closes the door. I pull up my sleeve and look at my dried up cut. I sigh and lay on my bed thinking about my life until i eventually fall asleep.
I continue through middle school wearing only my black hoodie and making no friends, everything was fine. I failed a few classes because of depression and hid myself especially from my own family, my 3 years of middle school sucked and i only hoped once again it would get better...

High School, Pacifica-Home of the Tritons... Through the past 3 years of middle school i was depressed and got used to cutting my arms and legs, my dad took me to a shooting range once which was kinda fun and i witnessed him purchasing a live firearm 9mm pistol for protection of my family. It was pretty fun getting to shoot a real gun since i play lots of shooting games at my house when I'm bored. I was only a freshman in highschool, i still didn't bother making friends or talking ti anyone so i just still hid my face in my hoodie. I was walking down the hallway and bumped this girl on accident and she dropped her papers, she had long brown flowing hair and brown eyes, she was about my size and had a beautiful smile, by this time my voice finally went through puberty and i said in a low voice, "Oh sorry my bad! Here ill help you" "Its okay and thank you" she said in a soft voice. I gave her back her binder and papers and she gave me a thanks, she held out her hand and introduced herself.."Im Ashely" she said, "Johnnie" i replied as i shook her hand, "Nice to meet you johnnie, i really want to talk but i got to head to class" "thats okay" i said, "no worries, see ya". She was pretty but i didn't know if i liked her or not but days past and we did talk, she did have friends but i didn't want to meet them. A few months passed and she found herself a boyfriend. I was pretty jealous indeed..

Ashely and her Boyfriend were together a long time and she was happy but i had no idea how protective he was, it was a friday and i walked up "Hey ashley!" I waved and she waved back, "Hi Johnnie!" I gave her a hug and put my arms around her but my hand was close to her waist so her boyfriend got angry, "Hey! Back the fuck off my girl!"! He shoved me and Ashley yelled at him, "Babe! Thats my friend!" Before he responded i shoved him back and Ashley got mad at me. "Johnnie! What the fuck!" Of course the crowd of people around stared but most just minded their own business. She got mad and pushed me back, "No wonder no one fucking likes you! Your just a fucking idiot, i thought you told me you were a nice guy huh?!" I didn't respond and she told me never to speak to her, my one and only friend..taken by another and gone for good. I made it home and the world around me darkened, no one was home and i walked through the hallway with tears streaming down my face, i open my mom and dads door and went through their closet, laying on the floor was a black box with a yellow sticker on it, i lifted it and it was very heavy, i opened it and there was my fathers silver 9mm pistol will the clip to the side of it, i pulled it out and looked down the barrel of the gun, i grabbed to clip and slid it in the gun with a loud *clack* when the clip and the bullet locks into the chamber of the gun. I cock it back and the sound echoes throughout the room. I grip the gun and take it off safety, i put the barrel to my head and close my eyes one last time, "Perhaps ill be doing everyone a favor" i was bullied throughout my life and my family didn't even care about me. I pull the trigger and a giant sound of thunder is heard from my house, it wakes the birds and they fly off squawking, my body falls to the floor and my blood drains...I Took The Easy Way Out