Ah… laundry day. While I normally avoided chores at all costs, I (mostly) lived alone/ had no one else to pawn the job off on and quite honestly, I needed a distraction if only for a little while.
Zak’s words from last night rang hard in my ear. If you don’t tell him… I will. Would he really betray me like that? See, this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell anyone. I don’t need to feel guilty. I just don’t. I’m not hiding anything anymore than anyone else is, so everyone needs to get off my back. Turning on some old Weezer music to calm me down, I paid attention to the mound of clothes before me, setting them into perfect piles depending on their storage location or person to whom they belong. Several of Zak’s tees and underwear were included in the mound so I sifted around them to extract what was actually mine. I peeked at something dark grey and assumed it was mine ( I’m sort of addicted to neutrals). I pulled it out real quick and dropped it almost as quickly. A boulder found its home in my heart, pulling down towards my stomach and weighing me down so much that I sat down, entirely spent from my findings. After a moment I pulled the tee shirt out and read the soft label, following it with my fingers: “HIPSTA PLEASE.”
For the first time I was glad to be alone in the flat. Zak took off before I even woke up, he must’ve felt awkward after our exchange last night too. Or maybe he was outing me to all our friends. Who knows! That terrible feeling in my stomach just wouldn’t leave. How could Harry follow me everywhere I go, like a not so friendly reminder disguised as something wonderful? I found myself thinking back to how he’d given me the shirt after a day spent together and told me to keep it…. I vowed never to take it off. That seemed like ages ago. Blushing, I realized this would be the first time I’ve washed it since he gave it to me. I cursed myself for thinking things could ever go back to being like that. My reverie was broken by my ringer. I welcomed it and answered without looking. “Hello.”
"Hey, can we meet up, please?" Liam asked anxiously.
I paused then said, “Yep, my cafe in a half hour?” I guess this was it then. Either we’d been outed or we were going to have the feelings talk. I was ill-prepared but it was as prepared as I was ever going to be.
I decided to walk over to the cafe after putting on minimal makeup, throwing on holey capris, flats and putting a flannel shirt over the HIPSTA PLEASE. tee. I felt compelled to wear it but I was the only one who’d know what I wore.
When I got to the cafe around the corner I saw Liam’s back. His knee was bopping all over the place and I thought he’d spill his coffee all over the place. Conceited me, I figured he was all excited to see me and couldn’t contain it so the selfish part of me made him wait until I’d gotten my cinnamon dolce latte. This was bound to be awkward… although I liked Liam, I felt he was more into this than I was.
"Hiya." I smiled, pecking him on the cheek and sitting down in the chair opposite him.
"Hey." Liam cleared his throat with a nervous smile. "I’ve got to tell you the best news. The other night made me think so much about it all and then out of the blue I get a call from Danielle. She still loves me, Rose! We had so much fun the other night and I wondered why I’d felt so guilty the whole time. Now I know why. And you don’t have to feel awkward or obligated. Turns out this was all for the best, huh?" He pursed his wonderful lips, waiting for my response.
I felt empty, shell-shocked even. This wasn’t at all what I was expecting. How could I have been so self-centered and full of myself that I thought he’d be confessing his love for me or something? Turns out no one likes me. I bit my lip and forced a smile. “That’s wonderful, Li. I’m so happy for you guys. No awkward feelings whatsoever.”
He grinned and I felt my heart sink.
"I’ve actually got to run… meeting up with Dani soon." He smiled sheepishly. "Thanks for meeting up though. I’ll see you around. Let’s keep it all between us, alright?" I nodded and he hugged me tight before leaving a peck on the end of my nose. "You’re a treasure, Rose. He’ll realize it soon enough. I know I did. You’re a great friend."
I watched his retreating back as the word “friend” echoed in my head. I wasn’t even Harry’s “friend.”
Something possessed me to leave and visit Harry’s place, just to see it, to see if it was still the same… if he was the same. I felt crazy but I couldn’t stop myself. Before I knew it I was giving haphazard directions to a driver and trying to make sense of my muddled mind in his backseat. My phone buzzed a few times but I chose to ignore it. About ten minutes into the long drive rain drizzled down and turned into pounding showers onto the small cab. I berated myself for not having thought to bring a raincoat or umbrella, knowing the London area is infamous for its heavy showers. When we approached Harry’s street I threw some money the driver’s way and told him to let me out there. The last thing I needed was to draw attention to my stalking. As I watched the car peel away I realized I had no escape route. Shit. What the hell was I thinking coming all the way out here with no cover story or way back home?
I was standing alone outside Harry’s house in the pouring rain in a flannel shirt… my purse had to be ruined, not to mention any dignity I’d retained up until that moment. I was pathetic. I started to walk towards his door but stopped myself, realizing I was absolutely insane once I reached the front stoop and turned on my heels only to slip on the wet driveway. Damn flats! I fumbled getting up and walked away in a huff. Now it was lightning and I could hear thunder. Could this day get any worse? It was about a 25 minute drive out here so I mentally calculated that it’d take me over two hours to walk in this rain.
A door opened behind me and I heard, “Rosie?”
Fuck. Pardon my French.
