Life With(out) You

I didn't expect to be changed by him. I never really believed in the expression all people leave their mark on you. I was once a good kid. I didn't do anything wrong. My life was perfect, It was hard to consider my life as perfect after I met him.

~*~

It was late winter. I was 17. I had my entire life planned out. I wanted to go to an Ivy league school, become a doctor, get married at 26, have three kids (David, Belle, and Holly), and my husband, he would be perfect.
I remember standing inside of a coffee shop. I was alone picking up some coffee for my mom. She was home sick. I waited patiently for my order. The man handed me the coffee and I was out the door.
I started to walk home and was stopped by a tall man. He was wearing black jeans, a black coat. A red plaid scarf, and a hat the barely covered his eyes.
"Excuse me," he said, "but I find you rather appealing. Do you mind walking with me?"
I didn't know how to respond. I never had a boyfriend, and he was giving me the attention I had never before received. I expected everyone to have the same good and pure intentions that I did, so I nodded quickly in response.
He grabbed my hand and we walked to my house. I watched as we walked. He held himself high, we matched our strides. I watched our feet hit the snow, I listened to the soft to the soft crunching sound. I was happy.

~*~

A few months had past. I found this boy rather intoxicating. We met at the coffee shop every Saturday. His name was Ian. He had brilliant blue eyes. His face was clearly made by God himself. I was fascinated by him.
One spring night, I heard a knock on my window. To my surprise, it was Ian. I opened the window to hear what he had to say to me. He told me there was a party going on and he wanted to bring me. I went along with him, trusting he would keep me safe.
He drove me to this party. I did many things I shouldn't have done. I regretted a lot by the next day. None of that stopped me from going the next week, or the week after that.
I became hooked. I loved the feeling of exhilaration and danger that came from being with Ian. I couldn't stop. Parties became my obsession. Then drugs. Then alcohol. I was living a dangerous cycle. I lived two separate lives. At home, I pretended to be the good kid I used to be. On the weekends, I would sneak out at night. It became a vicious cycle.

~*~

I was 19 when Ian broke up with me. It hit me hard. I felt as though I was on top of the world, and then someone had pushed me off a cliff. The drop wasn't far enough to kill me. I was still barely breathing. I fell into depression. I contemplated suicide because I felt like it was the only way out. I slit my wrists. I starved myself. I continued to party.
My parents got involved. They took me to therapy, got me anti-depressants, I went to rehab. My life was now therapy, pills, and rehab. That was my new cycle. For three years, that was my life.

~*~

He changed me. Left a mark. I became a washed out version of myself. I will be the same. The whole experience I had with him changed the way I acted, the way I thought. My whole life was turned for the worse. I can never be the same again.