Spectrum (boyxboy)

May 05th 2014

Dear Ma,

The first time he came in was on a Monday morning. It was raining quite hard and the streets of London were crowded and wet. I had been working at the shop for about two weeks now and was finally getting the hang of it. The shelves had been stocked and I was put in charge of manning the register until Emma, whose name I only learned on Monday, got here.

I saw him through the shop window first drenched in the rain, a thin hoodie covering his shivering form. I didn't expect him to step inside and was surprised when he shook off the raindrops from his hair and opened the door causing the bell to echo around the shop. Emma hadn't come in yet and I was in charge which was probably why I got nervous when the boy came in.

He was wearing a faded black hoodie that looked to be too big on his five foot eight frame. His dusty blonde hair was messy and unkempt in a way that made me want to run my fingers through it.

As if noticing my presence for the first time the boy looked up and stared right into my eyes, and for a moment I forgot to breathe. His eyes were in simple words, beautiful. They were stormy and grey, almost electric and they held so much emotion. They were filled with grief, the one emotion i saw in the mirror every morning.

I hurriedly looked down and fiddled with the cash register almost dropping the coins I had been counting. His gaze was unnerving and caused a flurry of unwanted emotion in my chest. The fact that he was probably five years younger than my twenty two year old self caused me to look down shamefully.He finally walked away to one of the corner shelves holding the water colours and I sighed in relief.

I had realised that I liked boys the same time you had realised you had cancer. That is why I did not tell anyone about it. I hope you're not too disappointed in me ma.

About five minutes after looking through the water colours he walked up to the cash register with a couple tubes of paint in his hands.

Dropping them onto the table he picked one up and brought it forwards.

"Do you have the lilac one of this?" he asked, pointing to the brand name of the tube.

"Yeah" I said recognising it from one of emma's many inventory lists "Ill just go get it" I said, walking towards the storage rooms.

I hurriedly walked into the storage room and tried to compose myself. I wasn't looking for a relationship right now, I wanted to build my life from scratch, not be responsible for someone else's. Especially a little teenager's, I thought, finding the lilac paint before finally building up my resolve and walking out to find him looking through a brochure advertising Emma's art exhibition on Saturday.

Noticing me walking back he looked up and smiled at me causing me to almost stop in my tracks at the sheer beauty of the foreign emotion on his face.

"Are you the one having the exhibition?" he asked, still smiling and holding up the brochure as I billed his items.

"Do I look like an Emma to you?" I asked gruffly, annoyed at this kid and the way he was making my heart stutter.

I instantly felt bad when I saw the look of hurt on his face before he grabbed his bag of paints, muttered a soft apology and rushed out the door, the harsh sound of the bell reverberating in my eardrums.

Emma came in just moments later and snapped me out of my reverie.

"Who was that boy who jut walked out?" She asked, jutting her finger towards the door.

"I don't know, just a customer" I said, nervous at the from marring her face.

"Why did he look like you just told him you killed his dog?" She asked, shaking out her peacoat before hanging it on one of the pegs.