Because I miss you. I love you, ------------. I wanted to call you years from now and hear you talk about your practices and your next game, I wanted you to ask me how my day was. I wanted it to be you. But. . . no? There is no but, ------. I just wish you knew that, knew that we could be together. I honestly thought, dreamed, that we'd make it and who knows maybe we will but right know I don't really know if I see the point. Because you're always tangled up in somebody else and I'm left to sit here and wonder and think about what you're doing with her and it hurts. . . it hurts so much that I- well you know- and I choose to let you hurt me because I love you.
I push every guy that talks to me away and wait for you even though you don't give a shit. I'd wait forever if it just meant that. . . I could open my eyes and roll over in the morning to see your bare chest slowly moving up and down as you breathe, watch your eyes open softly and gaze at me, hear you say "morning babygirl". And I just wish that you'd know that but if I sent this or said it to you nothing would change. That's how it always goes with us.
I tell you how I feel, you say the same, then we both keep moving in opposite directions because you never wanna take one step together down the same road. . . On my 11th birthday, Lacey and I made my birthday cake and when I blew out the candle I made a wish, very simple wish. I just wanted to be loved, ------, that's all I ever wanted. But I didn't know that every step that I would take since that day would be in the wrong direction from that and *sigh.
I just wish I could tell you, explain to you, ask you, that if I were different - smarter, prettier, thinner, bigger boobs, bigger butt, no glasses, gorgeous hair, funny, calm, never nervous, amazing in every way and more - if I were just better. . . if in another life. . .
Would you be mine?
YOU ARE READING
All The Things I Wish I Had Said
Non-FictionThis book isn't really a book. Its literally what the title says, I mean, there's a lot of stuff that I wish I could say. . . stuff I should say, but can't. So its all gonna go right here, on this website so people I don't know and people I do know...
