Although I was laughing and smiling the whole time, yet whenever the events of that day cross my mind, my heart fills with sadness. Even after all this time, I still remember that early morning when I woke up with the LED bulb above my bed illuminating the room with its light. It took me just a second to realise that it was not the light shining over me that woke me, nor was it my mother, who was bustling around the room doing her daily chores. The moment this realisation hit me, I scrambled off the bed and kneeled down on the floor beside the still form of my almost five months old puppy, Tug. He looked the same as the night before, almost lifeless form and blank eyes staring in the distance. What woke me up so early in the morning was the small, almost inaudible sound made by him once.
"Did you hear that?", she asked, making me realise that I had not imagined that. When I nodded, she said, "Take him outside. It's cooler there."
I scooped him up in my arms and took him out in the balcony, my mother followed us. I was filled with hope that maybe finally he was responding to the medication, because that sound he made was only sound he had made in the past few days.And I knew for a fact that she was becoming hopeful too. On the balcony, mom spread a thick cloth on the floor and I set down Tug on it. As soon as he was on the cloth, he started shaking violently, his limbs at odd angles, mouth open and saliva dripping from it. It was another one of his fits that have been disturbing him this past week. He suddenly goes limp, just like every other time this has happened. But this time, his tongue lolled out and his eyes looked more blank than before. Suddenly, my mother, who was sitting on a chair opposite us, started crying.
"He's gone", she said between sobs.
I didn't believe her. I mean, how could he die? This was just the after effects of his fit, right? I took one of his paws in my hands and searched for his nerves. I stopped when I felt the blinking in this paw. I could feel his nerves, then why did she say he has died?
"He is not dead, mom. I can feel his nerves", I said trying to make her understand that she was wrong. But she shook her head and asked me to accept it. After a few seconds, the blink in his paw disappeared. I desperately tried to find it again,thinking that maybe my fingers on the wrong spot. But I couldn't find it.
"Stop it!", my mother exclaimed, "Go tell papa that he doesn't need to make more medicine for him."
I reluctantly pulled my arms from around Tug and stood up. I ran downstairs, my heart running a race of its own. I found pap in his small clinic, where he was making some medicine.
"Mom said that you don't need to make any medicine now. Tug is dead.", my voice came out as flat, not revealing the turmoil in my head. He just looked at me for a moment and nodded. I walked back upstairs and headed straight for the toilet. It was the only place where no one will disturb and question.
Sitting on the commode with my head in my hand, I took deep breath. All of us knew this was coming. Then why do I feel like this. My heart was beating so fast, I thought it was going to burst out of my chest. When I felt composed and calm, I exited the toilet. I heard loud cries of my sister, it sounded like she was howling. A smile made its way on my face. Now, it feels like someone has died in the house, I thought.
When I entered our bedroom, I saw her lying on the bed with my mother's arms around her. My brother was up, but not in the room. I went back on the balcony and found him there, sitting on a low stool beside the lifeless body. I sat on the chair that was previously occupied by mom. Tug was now covered with a light blue coloured cloth. The smell from the cloth told me that it was new. When my brother was looking in the other direction, I leaned over and picked up the cloth a bit from his face. His eyes were still open. I tried to close them, but they won't remain shut. I gave up and put the cloth back on his face, before my brother could catch me. His eyes were moist, but he was smiling, which I knew was fake. He shrugged and made a face at our sister's howling. I smiled in return.
