After

Author's Note: Another excerpt I wrote for a contest; this was the piece that inspired Chasing Shadows :]

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It was hours after curfew, but I didn't care. I didn't have a reason to care. What else could they take from me that they didn't have already? I pushed my sleeping bag off me, untangling my legs from the blanket before standing. It was dark in the room, but my eyes had adjusted enough to where I could make out the five other lumpy sleeping bags scattered around the floor. The heavy, sleep laden sounds of breathing filled the room, assuring me that no one was awake to stop me.

I carefully picked my way around the room and felt along the wall until my hands found the cold metal of the door handle. I pushed it open until it was just wide enough for me to slip through. I let out a sigh of relief when it closed behind me before turning and taking the concrete steps to the roof two at a time. When I reached the top, I pressed my ear to the door making sure it was silent on the other side before pushing it open and stepping out into the cool night air.

I took a deep breath, clearing my lungs of the stale, humid basement air and craned my neck to look up at the sky. It was scattered with what looked like hundreds and hundreds of stars. The moon hung low in the sky in front of me, giving off a faint, silvery glow. There wasn't another light on anywhere. The ocean of buildings stretched out in front of me. Dark, still, and silent. Filled with sleeping people, who had no idea how lucky they were.

"You know you aren't supposed to be out here. Not at night, and especially not alone."

My pulse jumped at the unexpected sound of another voice and I whirled around to see Griffin, standing outside the door with an unreadable expression on his face. I should've known it was him. Who else would bother following me out here in the middle of the night? I turned back around, shaking my head.

"I just needed some fresh air. Go back inside." I said quietly. He wasn't going to, though. That much I knew about Griffin, although everything else I was supposed to know wasn't there. Not anymore.

"And leave you out here by yourself? Not likely." He said. I heard the soft sounds of his footsteps before he was at my side, his shoulder brushing gently against mine. "Neither of us should be out here. Someone might see."

I felt a surge of annoyance suddenly rush through me and I rolled my eyes, moving away from him towards the edge of the building. "Its pitch black out here. No one's probably looking for me anymore anyways."

I heard Griffin scoff from behind me. "We just broke you out of prison three days ago. They're not going to stop looking for you until they find you." He said in a voice just barely above a harsh whisper. I didn't say anything, ignoring him as I stared out over the dark city. "Christ, Harper, aren't you even a little bit afraid you might have to go back to that place? After what they did to you?"

My fingers gripped the concrete railing hard and I closed my eyes, counting back from three. He didn't get it. No one did. We lapsed into a long silence before I suddenly felt the heat of his body next to me.

"Harper...you can talk to me." Griffin said quietly, almost pleadingly.

I reluctantly raised my gaze to look at him and met his eyes, fiercely blue even in the darkness. "Of course I'm afraid. You don't understand, though." I said, my voice riddled with frustration. "I got dragged off to that place for a reason I can't even remember. I don't know who I am here, or what I'm doing. I don't remember anything! They took it all from me!" There was almost a hysterical hitch in my tone that even I didn't recognize and I could see on Griffin's face that he was worried I was going to break down right there. That I would just collapse on the ground screaming until they found us and dragged us all away. A part of me wanted to.

"And then you all break me out and expect things to be the way they used to be, however that was, because I don't know and I hate how you're looking at me right now. I hate it because it makes me feel horrible. You love me and I don't remember who you are. I don't remember loving you and I'm sorry. I really am." I felt the first hot tear roll down my cheek. Griffin, looking helpless, hesitantly reached out a hand to wipe it away and I involuntarily flinched from his touch. I saw him crumble a little more. "Sometimes I think it would just be easier for me to go back. They can put me back in my coma, back in the dark where things were easier."

"Stop it." Griffin whispered heavily, shaking his head. "Stop talking."

"Why? Why should I? You wanted me to talk to you so now I am. Sorry that you don't like what I have to say." I spat back icily.

He stared back at me, his expression an overwhelming mixture of sadness and longing and something else I wasn't sure I recognized. "I don't like hearing you say things like that, like you want to go away. Things may be different now, but I'd rather have you here with me, than somewhere else where I can't see you or talk to you at all." He finally said. "I'd rather it be like this, than nothing at all."

"Griffin, it might be like this forever. I might never remember." I reminded him softly.

"Or it might not be." He said quickly, his voice taking on a stronger, more hopeful tone. I opened my mouth to argue with him, but he cut me off. "Don't say anything else...I want to try something. Please." He asked, his eyes raking my face for permission.

I hesitated, biting my lower lip. A voice in the back of my head was warning me to retreat, but instead of listening to it, I heard myself say 'yes'.

Griffin didn't hold back. He took one step and closed the space between us. The next thing I felt were his lips on mine, his arms around my waist pulling me closer still. My body stiffened, but I didn't pull away. Something about the sudden closeness was comforting, terrifying, and achingly familiar all at the same time. The warning bells in my head grew fainter and fainter until I felt something in me shift. Before I could stop myself, I was kissing him back, my hands clinging to his sides. I knew Griffin felt the change also, because his hands were suddenly everywhere as he crushed himself closer to me and I was shocked when I heard myself think that it wasn't close enough.

Our mouths moved together hungrily as he pushed his tongue inside my mouth, pressing me up against the concrete railing. I felt it grinding into my lower back, but it was the last thing I wanted to think about right now as our mouth moved hungrily together. I felt his fingers slide into my hair, massaging the back of my scalp and I was almost shocked when I heard the moan that escaped my lips. Griffin's breath hitched inside his chest and I lost all train of thought when I suddenly felt his lips gliding up my neck. I tilted my head back, only barely aware of heavy my breathing was as I slid my hands underneath his shirt and felt the heat of his bare skin beneath my fingertips.

"Harper..." He growled, nuzzling into my neck. His lips found mine again and I was lost, suddenly not caring who I was or where we were or what was happening outside of this moment.

Eventually, though, both our breathing slowed as reality came crashing down again. Griffin brushed his lips against mine one more time before sighing and untangling himself from me. He took a step back and we looked at each other for a long time, his expression looking even more sad and bewildered than it had before. I wished more than anything that I could remember. I wanted to know what it used to be like.

"I should go inside." I finally said quietly, hanging my head as I tried to avoid his gaze.

I heard Griffin clear his throat. "Okay. I'll be in soon."

I nodded, keeping my eyes on my boots as I walked around him and headed towards the roof top door. It creaked quietly as I pulled it open. I turned and took one last look at Griifin. He was leaning heavily against the railing, head in his hands. He must have felt my eyes on him because he suddenly turned and looked over his shoulder, smiling sadly when he saw me there.

"Goodnight, Har."

I nodded, swallowing hard. "Night."

I stepped back into the darkness of the stairwell, letting the door swing shut behind me, leaving Griffin alone.