Time fillers

Through the windows I see

I don't know how I can even begin to forgive myself. Not after what I have done, to you, to John. Dear God! Why did this have to happen. It was only two weeks away, two more fucking weeks. We would have been hole again, a happy family. God forbid something actually goes right for me, just one thing. You left me, took John with you and didn't even tell me. I woke up in the morning, you were just gone, with a number left on the table. And yeah I did call that number, for anyone who's reading my note, no I didn't go to rehab. I don't have a problem, the problem is with society. We work 40 fucking hours a week! To come home to what? A family who isn't even happy. So what I drink? Do you have any better ideas on how to relieve stress, to not take it out on my family. I had two more damn weeks, and then we were off. You, me, John all of us across the world, traveling through Italy. I told myself not to drink anything heavy, you told me not to do anything heavy. You know how I get when I drink heavy, but Thursday dear god was just too much, Smith just had make a big commotion about my screw up with the schedules. It was one fucking hour! Yeah I get it, it's my fault that we got screwed up, but the whole office needed to know? I just couldn't stand it anymore, and I went home, not even three hours into my eight hour shift. I'm probably fired, just another nail in the coffin. The heavy stuff, I don't even know why we keep it in the house, but we do. I thought I was strong enough, strong enough for you and John, but I wasn't. I gave into my demons, and then like a swath of darkness, I blacked out. God Fucking damn it! It was two more weeks, and we would have been fine. But I had to give in, and by me giving in I hurt you, in ways I can't even imagine. Whoever is reading this, I'm sorry I mean it, but I can't even begin to write what I did to my wife and son on this piece of paper. If you need me I'll be out back under the tree.